When I was younger, mum used to pamper us with goodies..and the best ones were on a hot sunny day, my siblings and I would always have creamy Ice Cream in special transparent bowls, just like the ones in this picture. It had musical notes all around the bowl, and we would put about 3 scoops of any flavour and go wild eating it.

Although I wasn't so keen in fruits when I was WAY high, having Bananas with the ice cream means so much to a kid....especially me!

Having a banana split, but mum chopped them to smaller bite size and I'd mixed mine with my desert. It didn't matter if there wasn't any Hershey Chocolate Drizzle or chocolate sweet flakes for the topping...all that mattered was to have ice cream in that Musical Bowl....

My sister would always like hers in the bowl with Purple coloured musical notes and it didn't matter because I had mine in the blue one. We'd all wolf down our ice cream and always begged mum for seconds.

*Sigh* the memories of Sunny Days, Ice Cream and that colourful Musical note Bowls....its like being a kid all over again... NEAT!!

in exactly one month

the moment where every eye would

be in anticipation

to see me fail this

or get through the long

awaited

presentation

*District Coffee Master FY11*

i wouldn't have it

any other way

if there was only the

Coffee Basics ~ Coffee Series

but to have the actual do-your-own

DCM presentation

in front of the panel of judges

which might include L&D department

OM and DM

(not forgetting the coffee ambassador)

will perhaps create the

anxiety attack that

has long suppress somewhere

hidden in this mind & body

in other words..

i can tell you honestly

i am not that ready to pursue this

*whimper* m(_ _)m

the tragedy of also coming up

with the other 2 different

presentations

for my comrades

can actually cause this meltdown

do i really want this?

ARGHHhhhh..........*

A kid named Chester: Wonder Boy

There I was minding my own business when the little boy came hand in hand with his 28year old female cousin. He had his yellow hood over his head, quiet as a mouse and only speaking in whispers. Little did I know, he was at the age where he was still learning to talk properly and was a very, very active child. It occurred to me that it has been a long time since made close contact with such a young child, probably in his toddler years of 2 or 3 years. He wasn't the kind that was the extremely cutest boy you've seen, nor did his face showed any prettiness about it. It was more to the part where he was adorable to the point where you just couldn't leave him be and be playing by himself. That was justice at all. Even if part of me did not want to get involved in any of the discussions held that night, as it was my aunt's wedding planning and stuff, I couldn't help but to be drawn to this adorable boy. His laugh was totally cute, husky in a way and he got bored really fast. Hmm... at the same time, if a game we played made him laugh the 1st time, he'd want to do it over and over again. Then it brought me to the conclusion that I do mish my old job back in Brunei, where I could teach and play with the young kids to the extend that I become a kid myself as well. That was FUN!! I did not feel a day old when there were at least 20 kids running around and having fun, even though there were quarrels over whose toys was the best or rather it were blocks or stuffed toys belonged in which box. It was the relationship spent together and that night, I felt it with little Chester. He brought me to think that I was still capable of being myself, even if the world did not care who I was or what the hell I was doing at my aunt's place, or whether the BBQ smelled awfully good. It was that wonder boy that really made my day...and I will cherish that moment.

I mish my childhood days....the same ones that Little Chester is experiencing right now...I mish that *sigh*

you can have it any other way

whether it is to live in a confusing life

to be happy with different people

living comfortably with love ones

or just wishing all the negativity to disappear all together

you can have it any other way

whether to run for the hills

to scream out loud till your lungs burst

living in anxiety and tears

or just wishing all that was in the past to repeat itself

gracefully

you can have it any other way.....*

Was it the way that the annoying one got to my mind and played countless tricks on me?

Was it that cheeky smile, and have one’s teeth stick out oddly cute?

Was it the small talk that got to the brain and made me think more and more?

Or was it because my heart was so moved that it couldn’t stay away?

Darn it!

I want to stay away but every time it gets more intense

Then I’m helplessly falling

Deeper and deeper, it is hard to climb out

Always I tell myself I will get out of it the next day

But it never comes

As I’m drawn to this younger soul

An attached one for that matter

Then this weight is getting bigger by the minute

It is hard to avoid the fact that I am in love with this being

I can’t tell what’s right and wrong anymore

It is as if I am blinded

Walking aimlessly with a cloud over my head

Then one day as if it was meant to be

Her heart was deceived so badly

For the second time

And this time it was the tears that flowed non-stop

For a friend to be a foe

To watch such a fragile person suffer

This veins pumping blood

As thick as one can get

The soul longer can't contain this pathetic desire

Dressed in rags

What a pity, what a sham

What's the matter with your man?

It will come back to me

This thing called Karma

And I will feel it the most

Whimpering soul is terrified to its wits

I am only human...*

physically drained out from all the bickering
the anguish in people's mind
and most of all,
the consistency of the life
that I'm living in

believe me
when I say that it is
and will forever will be
the people that I've met throughout
these 4 and a half years that has kept me going
with this "almost-perfect-on-the-surface" job
it is just to bad that
I couldn't be their reason to stay
long and perhaps rot with me in this
crazy passion for coffee and its
darn history

of all the things
that I've experienced today
and the past few weeks, months and days
everything has been falling apart

friends come and go
like the breeze that chooses to come
only through it's bidding
mostly friends who are forced
to choose their own destiny
and find themselves some freedom
at last, the lucky buggers

the heartache
to where he must go
and I cannot follow, and sulking
by my own person just to feel sane enough
to live through another day of agony
and more heartache

i want to feel
hopeful and faithful
but yet, i feel more slut-tatious
and end up being a bad person
Go figure!!

Finally it rained on the 23rd March 2010, at around 20:00pm.

When it poured down, and the droplets of rain fell on the tin roof..it almost had a tinkling sound of tiny bells.

How great it was, that perhaps God had cried just a little, as it is now Lent, and perhaps people are sinning more than ever during this time of year.

The chance to have a change of heart and perception of people can have some side effects to the membrane.

The fewer steps we take in meeting a friend, is much more fewer with the text messages sent in a minute.

Even to stumble on a person's profile on a well-diverse free community connection online, can make you wake up just to smell the flowers and to tell you that it is okay to dream just a little: to hope for the best in others.

There has been this crummy feeling that

has been hovering on my head for a few days.

Perhaps as the days get shorter

and it is almost time that I have to face him again,

once more and act like that nothing

happened.

Which is hard to contain, even for myself as this

is really over rated where one Seriously

should just get over the fool and move on.

REALLY!!!

Then again, there is that heartache that

one may feel overcoming the mind and soul

all at the same time and

perhaps it is a good time to see

whether one is tough enough to move on with this life.

Whatever the consequences,

I will hold my head up,

just a little higher

so as those crummy feelings

won't get in the way of this

runny tears...

So desu ne...JA MATA NE!!!!!

Didn't quite imagine it that life could leave you breathless and at the same time, wasting your lungs to something sinful. Its been a long ride, a real far off road to a place where I'm still trying to find myself and perhaps, still waiting for the others to be more supportive. There is no returning to the place where you once felt all that fun and cheery moments. It comes visible and until one is able to grasp hold of it and cherish it, then you know it will be somewhere embedded in your mind and soul. Standing on the edge is where you can see the whole scene clearly-- People ready to settle down, or pretty much worried that they "don't" and the clock is ticking quickly. Fear creeps in slowly to weaken the heart and mind. This is when most people would tremble not in the open, but rather in the room where the door is shut, the fan blowing, and the curtains swaying. The things that are planned out, we try and try to push forward the things we have yet to complete. Walking around aimlessly, hitting hard and then, dazzled for a moment just to gain back the strength to realize where the pain really was. Had real good talk with Pops this morning, and just chatting away bout how a job turn out to be a good choice, when others choose to leave. Pops said that each time he went to work back in the old days, it wasn't so much about working, but rather the excitement to look forward to be there and just be involved. Yes, that was and on some days still "is" how I feel towards my job. The good days and the crappy days but all is well when you're involved. *sigh* There is still more to this life that I want to see.... JAPAN 2017.....hahhahahha...Pops said it'll be the end of the world by 2012..hahha, the tragedy!!

I didn't mean to have it this way.

I always thought that it would get better

and perhaps in the long run I would finally be happy.

Somehow, as the days past by so swiftly,

I forget the minor details and

the big picture turns out to look a little dim

and also ugly.

It gets sickening that I am still stuck here

and I know I have ask God countless times

to bless me and yet,

here I am pondering on the things that could have

turned out a little more prettier.

That did not happen I guess.

Am I at fault to say that we get what we deserve?

To say the things such as what you do on to others,

they will do the same to you?

I am exhausted to keep up

and still the end of that crossroads,

I stumble and still pick myself up

though tired and thirsting for knowledge.

Mentally,

this is what it appears in the real world.

Trodden and wasting those breaths

although a little satisfactory

but it seems endless.

There are many things that people would want to run away from. The many things could lead to disaster, sometimes happiness, and also would end up in nothingness. My friends are moving on with their lives. Many because of being threaten of their position. Others have moved on because of their love ones. Most of them, because of their friends. Its funny how things work out. The moment when I claim that I would get away from this forsaken company, perhaps has made it a worst state in this environment, making it the start of every problem, and soon everyone has set their minds to leave from this line of work. Its the part where I have this quezy guilt in my gut for starting it all. Is it entirely his fault that we're leaving just to make him feel at his worst?? I'm staying on till I get a better opportunity. I may not be at my best conduct nor do I like any of his antics that he does, but he is afterall human. It saddens me that my former boss is leaving. By the 1st week of February, the ones that were close to me, will leave like the mists that stays in the air until the sun shines through and the mists thins, will fade out. Just like this passion to stay on, will fade out. So desu ne...nani??

To understand what it feels to be left out in the rain
and to be taken in, to realize
that all that we know in this life is to simply trust
and not to splurge on things we want
but rather on what we need.

We fail miserably when we blow out all the candles
and risk stumbling aimlessly,
falling at most times,
with dirty hands and torn clothes.

Then when its time to wake up
to smell the freedom that lingers in the air
for that one person
to simply reach out
and grasp hold onto it...
it would definitely be a day
that I would want to be
the one to do that.

Because "saving" is what I need

There would be a day when I will look through the glass panels of the store and will not be able to imagine what they do behind closed doors. It would be the time when the slightlest problem that I will not be able to help any of my friends with. It will be the time when I can only reach the nearest is at that wooden door that separates all baristas from ex- partners. It will be the time when I will not be able to smile from the bar at the customer and say,"How was your day sir/ miss?" or even," I didn't catch your name just now. Are you from around here? How was your flight from your country?" It will be the time when I can finally be THE customer and get response from the baristas that will greet me within the 30 seconds time frame and call out the drinks within 3 minutes. It will be the time when I can finally relax in normal clothes and surf the net endlessly, provided the WIFI is in excellent mode. Then there would be sad and undenialble part where I will feel utterly regret on the deepest side of my heart that I left out of frustration and not satisfation. However, there would be a sense of freedom, a sure peaceful and huge relief that will flow through this aching bones. This patience is wearing me out, as I look forward to it more to get a break and not struggle to keep up with nonsensical trackings, cost saving of labour and products, no more perishable goods nor any more of wasting time on following up with people who have no intention to have a tie-in with you, rather that you would fade out, without any hesitation. It will be time when I can sit down, chillaxs and focus on the important details to why people would love to work in this line and yet complain that it doesn't pay enough. Some to the extend to saying that it's like going back to school, and going through learning again and perhaps is troublesome for them. Learning process is good but to get to the top where you have to impress the people who don't care two hoots to what you're trying to achieve and rather focus more on your faults, then by all means, this means this kind of profession is not for the either one of us. The yearning to just be at the bar, to perfect that handcrafted beverage or even to get that yummy sandwich for only RM11.90 before tax in your tummy is all there is to being a barista. This position to be a barista up to management level and making sure the customers keep their complains to themselves is all that the top bosses care in this line. To deliver the experience and have "measurable" results is utterly hard to swallow and yet, you can get a letter for not performing. "To quit is to be a loser at your own game" as what my friend has said to me and somehow, I answered that perhaps that is what I want to end up as...a person to lose to all the challenges that displays before me because I have had enough of all the ragging, endless nagging, and wanting to save one's ass from getting fried from the upper deck. Perhaps the opportunity lies better in the hands of those who are still loyal to this company. Is it ever different in other parts of the world? That you have to tell me yourself as I have yet to work where you are now. As of now, the whole main idea is to break free from this endless shifts and coming to work even on off days. This nonsensical routine will cease to exist and I will not have to look at another unapproved disgusted look from such person, ever.

So desu ne....JA!!

Do you know the main reason why people blog alot these days?
I mean the main reason...do you know?
Mostly bout their lives,
from their football matches,
their boyfriends and their girlfriends' boyfriends,
to adverts and commercials,
to funny jokes and also to the extend of dirty ones too,
mostly also about their "Dear Diary"
Some even have " Dear Number 8 Ball",
then there's the one bout their failed realationships,
to the ones that actually work out (or made out sessions),
some even talk to the skankiest things,
there's also the one that I came across on
how to write out a blog in a different language..
meaning like all those funny sounds and snorts even,
then there are the ones that are
encrypted with secrets,
codes and such,
so do you know what you actually look for
when blogging bout things,
or rather; steal ideas from other bloggers
just to add depth to your fantabulous phrase of the day??

*SIGH*

The whole idea of it all..
the whole point of blogging
is to Express yourself,
to Justify oneself,
to let it all out with words,
to Stress on the painful events,
to Scream and weep at the same time just
reading about the love one that
did not make it in this world.
Blogging allows oneself to say the
words that can never be said
to him.
To announce about
the birth of that lovely child,
that was in the womb for the whole 9 months,
on how the baby shower went.
Sharing pictures and visuals
of travels and those
heavenly beaches,
babes and to get soaked in the sun.

Those are the kind of things,
perhaps that people nowadays
"would"
blog about, and so
blogging bout blogging
can end up like a circle that doesn't end.
It goes round..
and will never come to a stop.

SO
Happy Blogging Ya'aLL.

Special thanks to those
people with great minds
in having the "Umph!"
in blogstering,
mostly...on the life we lead.

You RAWK!!
((you may now give yerself a pat on the back for good reading on this short read))


KotoHuadan TagaZo...BiG THANKS!!