Things aren't quite like they used to be...different faces, different places...at least we try

~ The Tress.

The things that seemed impossible to do like moving from this job for almost rotting away for 5 years is finally stepping up. Who is it? Not so little "Me!"

I can grasp it nicely in my mind. I feel it in my bones. I feel it in the positive people around me. It is hard for my peers to understand why the sudden change, jumping from a demanding F&B line to tourism?? Does that make sense in our world? Honestly, its just our way of saying, "It is about time, Moe!"

Even if it means less figures into my bank account, I can actually start breathing with ease, and I can really see that THIS is my moment of Freedom!

Free from anxiety attacks...free from countless submissions of trackings, after trackings. I can see that this is my way of succeeding as my 26th year as a human being, trying to survive this depression or more like a pre-Mid Life crisis. This is it!! I am capable to push forward, earning my own place in the world.

As I see the sunset for the 1st time in a long time, I feel that it would be the Greatest feeling ever. I'm moving on with this life, no matter how challenging it may be...

By God's Grace...I can pull through!

you can have it any other way

whether it is to live in a confusing life

to be happy with different people

living comfortably with love ones

or just wishing all the negativity to disappear all together

you can have it any other way

whether to run for the hills

to scream out loud till your lungs burst

living in anxiety and tears

or just wishing all that was in the past to repeat itself

gracefully

you can have it any other way.....*

Tis the season to be Jolly...??


Hah...yah i will be jolly when I can scout for a new job and be done and over with this fantabulous company. There's a need to move on, after all it has been 3 years running and I am nowhere happy with this kind of life any more. Yah, the training benefits of travelling and learning, coaching and being a mentor of my own store...that is not my dream anymore. The longing to settle down, to get a beach house and drive a etty-bitty car is sufficient for me. The yearning to be in the Lime light once and for all with my siblings is all I can ask for. Having the parentals agreeing to it, and even my oldest sister, Nut2 supporting this very reason to leave Starbucks Coffee Malaysia is all I ever wished for.

So this is my new year's resolution: 1) Get an office job...office hours that is..hehe. 2) Get a night job as a contract singer. 3) Spending time and getting more close-nitted with my family & relatives. 4) To go for those random weddings and perhaps sadly to get a soul mate some where in that function. 5) To have all the time to myself, catching up on learning Japanese, art crafts, scrapbooking, etc.

Nut2 said the fams is praying that I end up with some Auzzie fellow, and although I am hoping for any guy to appear, I have decided that it perhaps is not my fate to be in a realtionship during this point of time. Why you might ask? First and foremost, I do not want to end up love-dovey and be floating on cloud 9 and get hurt again. Hahha...yah fear tends to creep up my skin everytime I allow myself to be lead on. The other part is, I do not look forward to hurting the person either, which in the end will make me have anxiety attacks and be more frustrated with such a person, and also disappointing myself in the end.

Back to my "wanting" to move on....

And so, im tired to try to make it in this company. It has been 3 years, 1 month and 8 days have I been trying to keep my cool in this line. So lets break it down...I want O-U-T!!!

So.....we get scared once in a while; whether its about getting you're 1st milk tooth out or praying you won't be caught sneaking out of the house. Im scared perhaps that the fact that he may love me because he has a deep long lost feeling for me over the years...and to think Im feeling the same way too. So are we scared that it will not work out or is it a rebound because we're lonely? I need assistance on this....maybe...we were just afraid to admit that we 'do' have the chemistry and we just let it hang in mid air to see whether it'll hit us squarely on the head *sigh*

Growing up and growing out of those teen years can sometyms wear you down...cause you tend to get confused on whether you should be a kid again or grown up. Being back here in Kk, has made me mature and the lyfe style can sometyms tire you out. Tho, its Great to experience different things and meet loads of different people...i guess i tend to lean back to the memories when i was way high..as in CareFree...hehe...not the suicidal bit ;p

What im trying to say is...if we're meant to be; then....go with flow...like you said...there's nuthin to lose...and i believe that's true! *hugs*