give and take
isn't that what we call friendship
whether it's with your parents,
siblings or friends
isn't there a thing where
both can be right at the same time
yet afraid to admit they did wrong
in the end

so when one moves on
and tries not to look back
maybe on her off days
she'll go back home
but to be a burden to others
is all that she can take
and feels that a time to get out
is now or never

probably she'll regret it
but for now
she has to breathe
suffocation and anxieties
all coming back
to build up
where it hurts the most

im gone

and going.....

News travels fast.

Sometimes it comes in a nice package;

Others just comes as a bad smell.

Whether we like it or not..

We cannot avoid it

As it boils down to whether we can

Take it and swallow it whole.

Seen a thousand faces,

And to know that you can still

Mish them and smile to know

They're your friends;

thru thick or thin.

Then comes the tough part.

It is to test whether you can

Accept them for leaving you

for their own reasons.

Whether it is falling out on a bad relationship,

Transfering to another work environment,

Or just getting out of the job

To run from their problems.

And if you know it'll be ages till you see them again,

You're wondering if you can ever part from them

Or whether you can forgive them for leaving.

So all I'm saying is...

I'm losing my dear friends,

Although I've only met them less than a year,

And also those I've known for eons.

But all I can do is hope and pray..

That we're not forgotten

No matter the distance,

Or the unseen circumstances..

That keeps us apart.

I will mish you all...

Hurt just a little
Left stranded in the rain
Once again
I know how she felt
During those teenage years
And i guess it felt like shit

It was cruel of me
To laugh inside
To feel a little evil
Can sometimes get in your skin
And only today
I feel sorry for her
As i feel sorry for myself

So i cried just a little
and the tears would not stop
Why did it hurt so much
As if a pin was poking so hard
at my already wounded heart

Is it karma that got back at me?
Or is just a way for me
To realise
That i am not the fool
Nor was she at her time in school

But the person involved
Who left 'us' girls stranded
In the icy cold
wet rain...

Im teary eyed
As i now realise
I can never face him
Nor can i ever bring myself
To speak to him
Ever..
Again...

*Sigh*
Here we are, going about our daily lives...and to what extend?
Holding on to the memory we thought was lost?
Though so close, yet we're drifting apart...even more.
So I think to myself, "How long must I be put on hold?"
I can't stand it that when I'm out of sight, out of mind,
You'd rather have me hang around and not give me hope.
So I really must move on because
I'm tired of waiting in vain.
It's as if my heart will not rest unless
I'm given a valid answer of what I am to you.
We're grown up and we have to start to think less like a child,
and have a glimpse of the reality before us.
Cause if the pieces don't fit anymore, then
what we are to do but just remain....
as friends.

Enough said...

The most sweetest and generous person I've come across
this time around..is so far away from me.
Its his smile that makes me feel at ease...the way his
dimples just appear, especially when he laughs
from the heart.
Though blistered and in pain...I find comfort in him.
He offers protection, and lets me hold on for
support if I'm frail.
He's charming to me...even in other people's eyes,
I know he cares for others.
Kind hearted soul...Shakes his head when he talks.
Grins at something like those "transformers"
we saw at the side of the road.
Widens his eyes when he sees something exciting..
yet he doesn't want to close his eyes
when I'm there.
Smoothest dancer I've ever seen...it kills me that
he's soOo sizzling hot on the dance floor.
One last night to take a breather...
looking at the place below us..
we had to depart to go back to reality.
He gave me the pin he won...
and I will mish everything we've gone thru..
Round the town, in my new white heels..
I will never forget..
For we were strangers....
and are now are in question.....


we are one....just one for that sweet memory.

I mish you...

Its in the air, definitely...whether we can embrace it or just can't live without it..surely we would want it badly one day. Its the universal need that everyone is searching for. Even if you're still a toddler wanting to be cuddled, a teen just having infatuations, an adult who is searching for the right one to be with...it comes in all forms.

Perhaps one would regard it to having the wildest night of your life, while others look at it as satisfaction. Some lonely heart would see it as the only way out and become desperate for its touch..the feeling of it to be inside them. They are not to be mocked at because it's a free world...you're entitled to live the life as you see fit, no questions about that.

Whether we end up being who we are and have the things we want...I am certain it will go well as according to plan. There's no need to complicate things...this is our time, so don't fret where we might end up. Its true I can't see myself not being your friend even if we're not together. How you want it, is your decision...its your free will.

And I can finally say...I'm not searching anymore...I found him...

So.....we get scared once in a while; whether its about getting you're 1st milk tooth out or praying you won't be caught sneaking out of the house. Im scared perhaps that the fact that he may love me because he has a deep long lost feeling for me over the years...and to think Im feeling the same way too. So are we scared that it will not work out or is it a rebound because we're lonely? I need assistance on this....maybe...we were just afraid to admit that we 'do' have the chemistry and we just let it hang in mid air to see whether it'll hit us squarely on the head *sigh*

Growing up and growing out of those teen years can sometyms wear you down...cause you tend to get confused on whether you should be a kid again or grown up. Being back here in Kk, has made me mature and the lyfe style can sometyms tire you out. Tho, its Great to experience different things and meet loads of different people...i guess i tend to lean back to the memories when i was way high..as in CareFree...hehe...not the suicidal bit ;p

What im trying to say is...if we're meant to be; then....go with flow...like you said...there's nuthin to lose...and i believe that's true! *hugs*

A Lyfe at a New place~ New post~Hell Lot of Catching up to do...im nearly calling it QUITS!

I really can't describe how pissed off i am bout the whole ordeal of my work lyfe.
It's like i try and try my best to show that im finally capable of goin thru the day without any trouble and i got and earful from the management because i didn't do something today. I have to find out on my own that i had to go to bank but i had no hints or guidance that i had to go...sheeshkebab!! Its lyke...F***....im trying to do my best....come on! Give me a break!!

I really wanted this post as a shift supervisor so badly that even GOD knows how i feel but the thing is....but whether i can handle it for the rest of my lyfe? ..im gona go insane :'( It's so tough..trying to please everybody...and also perhaps saving their butt...in other words..im almost to the point of depression. I havent had a decent meal in 3 days and i know i wont for the whole month :'(

I don't want to question God bout this cause i asked for this post but the maze that i have to get out on my own is driving me in circles..its lyk im losing hope of ever getting out of this depression thing...small matter you say? Its not at all small...im just wondering whether i can get thru this....or end up calling it quits before i even reach my goal...

Im so tired....falling into the job...find it easier to fall out...insane idea,huh?
Tell me about it (-.-) zZzZz...

Hey everyone...i know i haven't jotted anything down here in the last few months but i have been awfully busy with the Lyfe here back in my home town,sabah. Luf lyfe has come and gone in a snap and thank goodness i got over it quite fast (erm...is 3 mths gud enuf? hehe)

Currently in StarBucks, workin as a barista..jz a few dys ago i went fer my shift supervisor intervw with my DM..and seriously peeps...it didnt even feel lyk it was an intervw...it was more of chitta-chatter...so it was smooth sailing...if u wana call it lah :)

Gosh! im exhausted as of now coz i just got back from work and i need da' rest fer 2mro...new promotions goin on 2mro, so yah...u'll understand, ryte? hehe

*hugs* BoOoYaAaaa................. (-o-) zZzZz