i fear that i may be losing myself in this
its coming to me slowly
its like a disease i can't get rid of
the sign of depression is creeping on me

losing myself and thinking subconsciously
leads me to more anxiety
and the feeling wells up in my chest
honestly i am quite edgy these days

i want out of this mess
wanting to get out so badly for the past 4 years
its slowly eating me inside
to the point that suicide is the only option

but there it is
i will not cross that line
no matter how tempting it is
thinking about it alone can make one
delusional & contented somehow

this is all that i have to say
that you'll forgive me for not giving you
a reason as to why i had to write this down at the last minute
but its better now than later

Torn..

Twisted...

Tales to live by...

Words were so pleasing...

So sweet...

Too inviting...

Mind restless...

Anxiety reacts differently this time...

At loss once more...

Unbearable...

Stinging these eyes...

Swore it would affect so tragically...

And yet...

I lied to this innocent heart...

With such a convincing face...

And its trashed...

Tainted to the core...

Fallen to this foolish games...

Suffering...

Shivering....

Tears running...

Heavy is this bitter heart...

I can't stop but just scream it all out...

This pathetic look is wearing out...

Ashamed to look around...

Sad that it ended in such a way...

Like something stupid...

Happened......

.................................twice...

"Secretly" ~ Skunk Anansie

I'VE BEEN BIDING MY TIME,
BEEN SO SUBTLY KIND,
I GOT TO THINK SO SELFISHLY,
'COS YOU'RE THE FACE INSIDE OF ME.

I'VE BEEN BIDING MY DAYS,
U SEE EVIDENTLY IT PAYS,
I'VE BEEN A FRIEND,
WITH UNBIASED VIEWS,
THEN SECRETLY LUST AFTER YOU.

SO NOW HE'S GONE RUSTY
YOU'RE BORED AND BEMUSED.

YOU WANNA DO SOMEONE ELSE,
SO YOU SHOULD BE BY YOURSELF,
INSTEAD OF HERE WITH ME,

SECRETLY.

TRYING HARD TO THINK PURE,
BLOODY HARD WHEN I'M RAW,
YOU TALKING OUT SO SEXUALLY,
'BOUT BOYS 'N GIRLS AND YOUR FRIGGIN' DREAMS

SO NOW YOU FEEL LUSTY,
YOU'RE HOT AND CONFUSED,
SO NOW YOU'VE BEEN BUSTED,
YOU'RE CAUGHT FEELING USED.

YOU HAD TO DO SOMEONE ELSE,
YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN BY YOURSELF,
INSTEAD OF HERE WITH ME,

SECRETLY,

SECRETLY.

Finally it rained on the 23rd March 2010, at around 20:00pm.

When it poured down, and the droplets of rain fell on the tin roof..it almost had a tinkling sound of tiny bells.

How great it was, that perhaps God had cried just a little, as it is now Lent, and perhaps people are sinning more than ever during this time of year.

The chance to have a change of heart and perception of people can have some side effects to the membrane.

The fewer steps we take in meeting a friend, is much more fewer with the text messages sent in a minute.

Even to stumble on a person's profile on a well-diverse free community connection online, can make you wake up just to smell the flowers and to tell you that it is okay to dream just a little: to hope for the best in others.

There has been this crummy feeling that

has been hovering on my head for a few days.

Perhaps as the days get shorter

and it is almost time that I have to face him again,

once more and act like that nothing

happened.

Which is hard to contain, even for myself as this

is really over rated where one Seriously

should just get over the fool and move on.

REALLY!!!

Then again, there is that heartache that

one may feel overcoming the mind and soul

all at the same time and

perhaps it is a good time to see

whether one is tough enough to move on with this life.

Whatever the consequences,

I will hold my head up,

just a little higher

so as those crummy feelings

won't get in the way of this

runny tears...

So desu ne...JA MATA NE!!!!!

There are times
when I want someone to look at me the way I look at him.
But then again,
who am I kidding...he doesn't even know my name.
As the eyes connect,
just at a glance and we try our hardest
to see who would look away first
But if he can show me
on how serious he is..even about the tiniest little thing
then perhaps, my perspective of him
would change.
After all,
the only barrier that keeps our gazes focused
is the smuged glass
between us both.....just him and me

My anime boy...