"Someone Like You" ~ ADELE

I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,"
Yeah.

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead." 

....................................................................................................................................................................

 

I'm happy yet a little sad that it turned out this way. 

If I wasn't so greedy in falling in love, person after person

I would actually be happy in this simple way.

Rae's settled down with his son,

Eric just had a baby girl and is blessed 

He wasn't my last resort but somehow, he just got engaged today~ 11.11.2011

Dear, dear Oomis Ginavoku...

Things had to fall into place and as how Adele sings it with full honesty...

"Never mind, I'll find someone like you

I wish nothing but the best for you

Don't forget me, I beg

I remember you said,

Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead..."

I keep this solely to myself as to what there is to come

"Oh come what may..." 

My only wish is that every single human being to deserve the much happiness, love & to never be lonely. 

 

My greatest fear...is not having someone like you before my time is up...

 

 

 

The moment I touched your hands, everything turned cold and meaningless. You laid so still as if you were in a deep sleep. Although the tears poured down like rain from faces of love ones, nothing could be done. You left with such willingness, and the pain immediately stopped just as how rain would. Like a blink of an eye, the guilt built up deep in this weary heart. To be strong for others, to have lost all hope of not seeing you today, tomorrow, not even till I'm married, made me feel so much sorrow. The older you got, the less I came to visit. Crushed to see you not breathing, confused for the others not able to see you before you took your last breath. It all seems endless, with everyone wished to spent more time with you, to eat, laugh and pray with you. How many regretted not saying the words that they meant to say, that they were sorry for anything that was said, done and forgotten. The birthday parties, Christmas loving, harvest festival will not be the same without you there to welcome us with open arms. The small shop will be meaningless without you there, sitting on your lazy chair and watching your favourite dramas on tv. Things would not be the same for us...It would not be same for me....who very much enjoys your company. I mish you and as we are praying for your safety to paradise, that you display the same kindness on us all too....thank you for all the sweet memories and the treasured time you had spent with us, and most of all...with me. Love your grandaughter.

I did not cry much the day she passed away
Always thought that I could buy myself time to see her when I was not busy
Even then I did not grew close to her
And to regret it would be useless
I used to think that her world revolves around me
That I was her favourite grandchild
Needless to say that I was winning a losing battle
To compete with countless cousins that were born
Earlier and ending up much cuter than me
I was always in the back seat
Not really caring in the world that I was "one" of the grandchildren
Who's grandma had loads of children to cuddle & hug with
There was a time I wrote letters to her
It was pleasant and sweet
Just like I had a pen pal to write to,
Every now and then
Was it I who grew up too fast to find new friends,
To forget such a caring woman such as herself?
The letters stopped coming and going
Our lives went a little too much forward
For now that I weep with my family members
To have lost a wonderful person such as my grandmother
Perhaps it would never be okay
To see a grown man cry
Or a young girl to cry her eyes out
For the sister, wife, mother, cousin, grandma, great grandma
Who wishes to be remembered
Like the way she was alive and healthy
The thought of God bringing her to a safer place
A place where one would call it their paradise
Is finally coming to a close
As the prayers and days are almost up
for crucial parts towards the passing
These are the times that in every heart of every person
There is a sense of loss
Yet the need to grow happier for
the wonderful woman that Grandma
Has always been and
Forever shall be....

I mish you so much even if my actions don't show it....

Rest In Peace, Grandma...

...you won't be forgotten

Sixto Rodriguez ~ I Think Of You

Just a song we shared, I'll hear

Brings memories back when you were here

Of your smiles, your easy laughter

Of your kiss, those moments after

I think of you

And think of you

And think of you

Of the dreams we dreamt together

Of the love we vowed would never

Melt like snowSixto Rodriguez ~ I Think Of You

flakes in the sun

My days now end as they begun:

With thoughts of you

And I think of you

And think of you

Down the streets I walked with you

Seeing others doing things we do

Now these thoughts are haunting me

Of how complete I used to be

And in these times that we're apart

I'll hear this song that breaks my heart

And think of you

And I think of you

And think of you

And think of you

And I do

Torn..

Twisted...

Tales to live by...

Words were so pleasing...

So sweet...

Too inviting...

Mind restless...

Anxiety reacts differently this time...

At loss once more...

Unbearable...

Stinging these eyes...

Swore it would affect so tragically...

And yet...

I lied to this innocent heart...

With such a convincing face...

And its trashed...

Tainted to the core...

Fallen to this foolish games...

Suffering...

Shivering....

Tears running...

Heavy is this bitter heart...

I can't stop but just scream it all out...

This pathetic look is wearing out...

Ashamed to look around...

Sad that it ended in such a way...

Like something stupid...

Happened......

.................................twice...

This winter has been a waste cause she is the one you are the one Each day is always the same I’m wondering why, I keep getting up Another gift from the maker when I love you like that I’m looking away Cause it’s hard not to say I Miss you I’m looking away in an effort to say I Miss you What could I do This friendship is just a fling comfort for cover when I love the most The feeling of you The colour on your face In delicate spring another gift from the maker when I love you like that I’m looking away Cause it’s hard not to say I Miss You I’m looking away in an effort to say I Miss You What Could I do Well you’ve had the chance to save me Well you’ve had the chance to save me over and over again well you’ve had the chance you’ve had the chance over and over again I’m looking away Cause it’s hard not to say I Miss You what could I do I’m looking away Cause It’s hard not to say I Miss You what could I do I’m looking away in an effort to say I Miss you another gift from the maker when I love you like that I Miss You I Miss You

i wish to tell you

what lays deep in this

tragic heart of mine

a longing

of some sort

its difficult to put into words

i can't describe it

very well to you

envious

of others living

a great deal of a life

though may trouble arise

but it is still

the togetherness of love ones

that brings this

weight

to this heavy heart

Was it the way that the annoying one got to my mind and played countless tricks on me?

Was it that cheeky smile, and have one’s teeth stick out oddly cute?

Was it the small talk that got to the brain and made me think more and more?

Or was it because my heart was so moved that it couldn’t stay away?

Darn it!

I want to stay away but every time it gets more intense

Then I’m helplessly falling

Deeper and deeper, it is hard to climb out

Always I tell myself I will get out of it the next day

But it never comes

As I’m drawn to this younger soul

An attached one for that matter

Then this weight is getting bigger by the minute

It is hard to avoid the fact that I am in love with this being

I can’t tell what’s right and wrong anymore

It is as if I am blinded

Walking aimlessly with a cloud over my head

Then one day as if it was meant to be

Her heart was deceived so badly

For the second time

And this time it was the tears that flowed non-stop

For a friend to be a foe

To watch such a fragile person suffer

This veins pumping blood

As thick as one can get

The soul longer can't contain this pathetic desire

Dressed in rags

What a pity, what a sham

What's the matter with your man?

It will come back to me

This thing called Karma

And I will feel it the most

Whimpering soul is terrified to its wits

I am only human...*

Carefree

we use to feel the sense of freedom:

to speak, laugh and live to the fullest

Ending up

lost in confusion, despair and mostly

a little heartache

that fills up the void nowadays

Longing to gain that momentum

to once again

be surrounded by people I love

and care about

Then again...

Its gone, going, gone

I mish you it hurts *sob*

physically drained out from all the bickering
the anguish in people's mind
and most of all,
the consistency of the life
that I'm living in

believe me
when I say that it is
and will forever will be
the people that I've met throughout
these 4 and a half years that has kept me going
with this "almost-perfect-on-the-surface" job
it is just to bad that
I couldn't be their reason to stay
long and perhaps rot with me in this
crazy passion for coffee and its
darn history

of all the things
that I've experienced today
and the past few weeks, months and days
everything has been falling apart

friends come and go
like the breeze that chooses to come
only through it's bidding
mostly friends who are forced
to choose their own destiny
and find themselves some freedom
at last, the lucky buggers

the heartache
to where he must go
and I cannot follow, and sulking
by my own person just to feel sane enough
to live through another day of agony
and more heartache

i want to feel
hopeful and faithful
but yet, i feel more slut-tatious
and end up being a bad person
Go figure!!

Finally it rained on the 23rd March 2010, at around 20:00pm.

When it poured down, and the droplets of rain fell on the tin roof..it almost had a tinkling sound of tiny bells.

How great it was, that perhaps God had cried just a little, as it is now Lent, and perhaps people are sinning more than ever during this time of year.

The chance to have a change of heart and perception of people can have some side effects to the membrane.

The fewer steps we take in meeting a friend, is much more fewer with the text messages sent in a minute.

Even to stumble on a person's profile on a well-diverse free community connection online, can make you wake up just to smell the flowers and to tell you that it is okay to dream just a little: to hope for the best in others.

There has been this crummy feeling that

has been hovering on my head for a few days.

Perhaps as the days get shorter

and it is almost time that I have to face him again,

once more and act like that nothing

happened.

Which is hard to contain, even for myself as this

is really over rated where one Seriously

should just get over the fool and move on.

REALLY!!!

Then again, there is that heartache that

one may feel overcoming the mind and soul

all at the same time and

perhaps it is a good time to see

whether one is tough enough to move on with this life.

Whatever the consequences,

I will hold my head up,

just a little higher

so as those crummy feelings

won't get in the way of this

runny tears...

So desu ne...JA MATA NE!!!!!

The friends that can never be replaced ~ One Borneo Team

(left to right back row: Kip (KKIA), Dotts, Bob, Zanan, Rudy, Kumar, Verna)

left to right front row: William, Idiani, Ahmad, MOI, Amy, Fiza, Yeb)

Ahmad, Alexis, Bob, Dewi, Rudy and Amy (front)

The managers who were pretty much involved in the HOO HAAs of One Borneo

* Amy, Zanan, Fiza, Moi, Verna *

(duration time spent: July 2009 ~ January 2010)

Celebrating our sucess as a team for the achieved ADT in Starbucks Coffee,

a good 400 + 300 bucks to spend and on top of that as well,

celebrating Zanan's *surprise* Bufday

*Sigh* A moment to remember for a long time....I mish you fools...hahahaha :D

So cheers to good friends, for the good and also not so good times.

The blessings and hardship we receive as a team,

As we go on, we'll remember

all the times we had together...

And as our lives change, from whatever

We will still be Friends Forever..

I love you all, my dearest of dearest friends....One Borneo Team *sniffles*

Skittles....red, yellow, green, orange.... Skittles....red for a make up flavour.... Skittles....yellow for the sunshine........ Skittles....green for that sour apple..... Skittles....orange is seriously juicy....... So take your pick before its too late.

It is late...almost 11pm and Im getting the best news that I've been waiting for almost 2 years now. Sadly that it could have worked out but to accept the other's feelings towards something that was more priceless to be sold, the comfort you gave is enough for me now. The feelings that was felt, rendered in the hearts of you and me...a feeling, only felt for a sweet moment that could describe as the most precious thing for me to hold close. It really is alright that we have closed one door and opened another, just to feel a little sane. Yes it was unbearable to wear, and we were going round in circles with this thing we called love, but hardly spoke of it to each other. Then when finally, today the words came out, clear as day. At last we admitted that it was the feeling that kept us from conveying the truth to each other, perhaps a little too late and your heart is closed. Teary eyed? Maybe just a little, on the way to pick you up to go investigate Sherlock Holmes..hahaha, that was laugh. Thumbs up to that movie, clearly planned out properly. I wish I had skittles to munch on....I had a good night out with you. Thank you darls....

There are many things that people would want to run away from. The many things could lead to disaster, sometimes happiness, and also would end up in nothingness. My friends are moving on with their lives. Many because of being threaten of their position. Others have moved on because of their love ones. Most of them, because of their friends. Its funny how things work out. The moment when I claim that I would get away from this forsaken company, perhaps has made it a worst state in this environment, making it the start of every problem, and soon everyone has set their minds to leave from this line of work. Its the part where I have this quezy guilt in my gut for starting it all. Is it entirely his fault that we're leaving just to make him feel at his worst?? I'm staying on till I get a better opportunity. I may not be at my best conduct nor do I like any of his antics that he does, but he is afterall human. It saddens me that my former boss is leaving. By the 1st week of February, the ones that were close to me, will leave like the mists that stays in the air until the sun shines through and the mists thins, will fade out. Just like this passion to stay on, will fade out. So desu ne...nani??

There would be a day when I will look through the glass panels of the store and will not be able to imagine what they do behind closed doors. It would be the time when the slightlest problem that I will not be able to help any of my friends with. It will be the time when I can only reach the nearest is at that wooden door that separates all baristas from ex- partners. It will be the time when I will not be able to smile from the bar at the customer and say,"How was your day sir/ miss?" or even," I didn't catch your name just now. Are you from around here? How was your flight from your country?" It will be the time when I can finally be THE customer and get response from the baristas that will greet me within the 30 seconds time frame and call out the drinks within 3 minutes. It will be the time when I can finally relax in normal clothes and surf the net endlessly, provided the WIFI is in excellent mode. Then there would be sad and undenialble part where I will feel utterly regret on the deepest side of my heart that I left out of frustration and not satisfation. However, there would be a sense of freedom, a sure peaceful and huge relief that will flow through this aching bones. This patience is wearing me out, as I look forward to it more to get a break and not struggle to keep up with nonsensical trackings, cost saving of labour and products, no more perishable goods nor any more of wasting time on following up with people who have no intention to have a tie-in with you, rather that you would fade out, without any hesitation. It will be time when I can sit down, chillaxs and focus on the important details to why people would love to work in this line and yet complain that it doesn't pay enough. Some to the extend to saying that it's like going back to school, and going through learning again and perhaps is troublesome for them. Learning process is good but to get to the top where you have to impress the people who don't care two hoots to what you're trying to achieve and rather focus more on your faults, then by all means, this means this kind of profession is not for the either one of us. The yearning to just be at the bar, to perfect that handcrafted beverage or even to get that yummy sandwich for only RM11.90 before tax in your tummy is all there is to being a barista. This position to be a barista up to management level and making sure the customers keep their complains to themselves is all that the top bosses care in this line. To deliver the experience and have "measurable" results is utterly hard to swallow and yet, you can get a letter for not performing. "To quit is to be a loser at your own game" as what my friend has said to me and somehow, I answered that perhaps that is what I want to end up as...a person to lose to all the challenges that displays before me because I have had enough of all the ragging, endless nagging, and wanting to save one's ass from getting fried from the upper deck. Perhaps the opportunity lies better in the hands of those who are still loyal to this company. Is it ever different in other parts of the world? That you have to tell me yourself as I have yet to work where you are now. As of now, the whole main idea is to break free from this endless shifts and coming to work even on off days. This nonsensical routine will cease to exist and I will not have to look at another unapproved disgusted look from such person, ever.

So desu ne....JA!!

There are many things that I want to say and do. Sometimes I can't find the time to justify myself when others are hovering over me, or either smothering me with petty cries and laughter. It is true that I do zone out to the detail stuff but even the simplest information mentioned to me, I actually realise at the last minute that I block out all that stuff too. Never meant to do all that, but its these tired eyes, mind and heart that start to go weary. The soles on the side of my left foot is dry, perhaps from callus (ewww...) and to make it more attractive, I have added suave pink to my toenails..all 10 of me toes. Looks good, since I've been growing my toenails long. I find myself forgiving my heart, mind and soul when I hugged my deah friend, Tita as we had a row just a few days ago. Stupid quarrel spat that could have been settled in a matter of minutes, but ended up being torn off for that few days that seemed like eternity to me...and her. Perhaps this time, with my friend, we realise the things we did to others that really hurt to the bone like Billy-O and when I saw her today, and simply asked her "Merjuk kah masih??"...it all fell into place, as if we were saying, "I'm sorry, deah friend. Will you ever forgive me for hurting you bad?" We embraced and tightly held eachother as if the world was falling from all sides. We cried and laughed about it, and it was all okay. Whether it ended up to be her fault or mine, the whole of me was utterly guilty and was distraught the last few days when we had the nonsensical arguement. *Sigh* Never again do I want to feel that shitty with anyone...for a while, that is.

So if all the times you see my toes, painted in suave pink...you'll know that I've gone all soft hearted with life... so desu ne`

The sky was as blue as the ocean. Waves splashing on the beach. It was a lovely evening. Too good to be a dream. Yes, the dream that played repeatedly in my mind. The day was 25th February, a day of confusion, mixed emotions, and pure happiness. Of all the things that I felt that day, it was all that was, a moment to remember. And yet, each time to be looking at him, to smell his scent, was unbearable to the point that I went speechless. Talking of things that were out of the blue, words that were trying to reach the heart, and I, ended up confunded as I could not read his actions, nor his mind or his heart.
This is "HE", the one that smiles so, that is as warm as a hug on a cold winter's day. One can get carried away with the things and just float on fluffy cloud. Taken at Sutera Habour, there we were just admiring the breath-taking view of the ocean. There were alot of tourists there...but the sounds from his breathing in the air, talking away, and humming a tune were as peaceful to the waves that was splashing on the rocks. I mish him already.
I finally touchdown at Penang for the first time in 24 years. It is a great place to getaway, a place to relax yer mind. There were a number of nice tourists spots that were uncovered by my friend there, and also by mah deah. Although with the limited time there, and that he has moved on, it was a pleasant feel to the trip with him. He brought me to the Kuan Yin Temple and showed me the Pagoda Buidling. Then also after that, we went to Bukit Bendera at Penang Hill, where we took a cable car up with loads of people visiting that day. It was our first time, and also for him. He enjoyed it. Funny though, after his work partner passed on, he picked up the habit of decorating the lungs. Pity though. I always knew him to be a non-smoker. He's more observant and would not show signs of wanting to be more than comfortable. The many times that I wanted to hold his hand, but I did not. Seems the whole ordeal was abit akward for him, as it was not for me. So we just casually sat close to each other, laughed bout the old times, chatted about what is to come for the same company that we worked in. It was pure innocence and yet, all I wanted to do was hold him once more. Till the end, he was still a gentleman, treating me like the way it was in the year 2007. I close my eyes up till today, just for a few minutes, to reminse on those precious moments, of him being "ERIC"...my friend, my heart.




I heart thee......

Here in Penang (Pulau Pinang) for the first time in mah life. Away from home from the 12-16th October 2009, with so much expectations, tensions, laughter, planting, kick in the mud, rained on, anxieties, scenery, heritage sighting, anticipation, christmas tree making, buffet with lots of cornflakes, scramble eggs, GOoOooOOod coffee, decorating of the lungs, initiating conversations with people (tried with snotty ones: challenging), surfing the net, visitation of stores at Gurney tower, Juro Auto city and hopefully some stores today. The insert on the right is the view from where I stayed with my Starbucks Coffee partners, at Sri Sayang Apartments, Batu Fringgi. This view was taken from the 24th floor, and it is absolutely breath-taking. Right now, everyone's online surfing, everyone as in Kay, Mel, Moy, Gurie, Dee (perviously from KK district), and myself. The only one missing is Ron who had to rush down to Kuala Lumpur to be with his wife and only daughter. His daughter just recovered from an operation, something to do with their little girl's lung/ heart. Pity the sweetheart, as she is only 8 months this October, but a REAL fighter.
I went Penang sighting for old buildings that were done in the 1920s, creepy old house that used to be a maternity house and the rest of that story goes on (still gives me the shivers). Also got to see the "Leaning Clock Tower" situated in the old town area. My good friend, Rudy showed me around Penang Island, and told me that the 5 years he's been staying here, he has seen alot of changes that even the locals don't realise. Expats (although I have nothing against them staying in Malaysia) have been buying up the old buildings and have moved in. However, the way they have furnished the place has not lived up to the heritage, and has more of a modern look. Now, how would I know all these if it weren't for him. He has created more insight that it was too bad that I had woken up way too early that day, and was soon biting my lip to stay awake. Sorry dude! Mean of me...hehe. But we managed to cover most of the great look-out spots, that even your tour guide wouldn't bring ya to. From the low land to top of the hill we went. Sceptical about hawker stalls?? Well, to be honest those stalls are the best tasting dishes that you can try from Penang..the real taste of Hokkien Mee, Penang Laksa and others (me stomach's growling at the thought of those dishes I tried...huhuhu), blended Grape drinks (weird huh?)..all these apart from the daily Nasi Kandar, the dishes that is with all mixed food, veges, and everything; these you can get at the Mamak stalls in Penang.
Also visited the Kuan Yin Temple and Pagoda Temple...LONG CLIMB...Giler! Went to the Penang Hilltop, at Bukit Bendera...famous for the many weddings held there (thru reliable source), and you got to take a slow train/ cable car up to about 700++ meters high. Nice view, seems like as how Eric mentioned it like "Cameron Highlands". To me, it was just like on a hill...SUGOI!! After all that hiking and sitting, plus more time for oxygen breaks, we headed to Gurney Plaza to grab some food to bite at PizzaMania. Seems too good to be true, as there are still some sane gentlemen just like Eric himself, and it was sweet like chocolate..haha. Then up till the late evening, he sent me back to Sri Sayang Apartments, at Batu Fringgi. Nope, not what you thought "would" happen, sadly did not happen. So enough said. I guess, he had grown out of it and has moved on, but I couldn't bear to think that it "was" the end, and yes, I gave him a hug and that was it. All that was running through my head was Damien Rice's Song ~ The Blower's Daughter.So after that, the KK team went to a nearby restaurant (Geee...I forgot the name..haha) and handed out 5B's & MUG Awards recognition by Boss there. We did a little shopping at the bargain shops near the roadside, and headed back to the Wooden Pub, next to the restaurant, to have our beer. Moy and myself were utterly bored that we wrote down our initials with marker pens at the toilet area, and went to have a look at the different money currency posted on the wall, with different writings from people who visited that pub. The pub is situated very near to the road, actually by the roadside, and not that near to the ocean...only by view rather.

Hmmm...will definately come to Penang for a REAL holiday, and also visit Langkawi...woOoOooHooOoooo....save and travel...can't wait!!

I used to want the morning

You and me, just hanging around

But I, can't shake this feeling off

Can't shake this dead weight off of myback

It's a troubled place we stay

But we just play it out

You give too much away

Leaves you cold, oh...

Got no place else to go

In a daze, just hanging around

It's a dirt ground we crawl upon

I've stared at your face for much toolong

It's a troubled place we stay

Where we just wait it out

Watch us give too much away

Leaves you cold, ohh

Cold, ohhh

I used to want the morning

You and me, just hanging around

It's a troubled game we stage

Where we just play it out

Watch us give too much away

And we just wait it out

And the words you meant to say

And the words I gave away

Leaves you cold, ohhh

Cold, ohhh

Gemma Hayes ~ Hanging Around

Hurt just a little
Left stranded in the rain
Once again
I know how she felt
During those teenage years
And i guess it felt like shit

It was cruel of me
To laugh inside
To feel a little evil
Can sometimes get in your skin
And only today
I feel sorry for her
As i feel sorry for myself

So i cried just a little
and the tears would not stop
Why did it hurt so much
As if a pin was poking so hard
at my already wounded heart

Is it karma that got back at me?
Or is just a way for me
To realise
That i am not the fool
Nor was she at her time in school

But the person involved
Who left 'us' girls stranded
In the icy cold
wet rain...

Im teary eyed
As i now realise
I can never face him
Nor can i ever bring myself
To speak to him
Ever..
Again...