i fear that i may be losing myself in this
its coming to me slowly
its like a disease i can't get rid of
the sign of depression is creeping on me

losing myself and thinking subconsciously
leads me to more anxiety
and the feeling wells up in my chest
honestly i am quite edgy these days

i want out of this mess
wanting to get out so badly for the past 4 years
its slowly eating me inside
to the point that suicide is the only option

but there it is
i will not cross that line
no matter how tempting it is
thinking about it alone can make one
delusional & contented somehow

this is all that i have to say
that you'll forgive me for not giving you
a reason as to why i had to write this down at the last minute
but its better now than later

There are many reasons as to why I am NOT asleep yet. It's because I'm stressed out worrying bout the things that perhaps I thought I could get away with...and in the end, I have to sort it out before the big bosses fire my ass of this company.
To be honest, I "was" at that "couldn't- care- less" mode for almost 7 months, and now that I've gotten to know that I would be taking care of a new store in less than a month, the problem has found its way to my private life and now I am in the depths of the fire.
There is every reason that a human being puts blame on others before them, as they are blinded and ignorant to what their secrets have done their unfolding. I, on one hand, would gladly give this pathetic store to a hard core manager to ensure that she would have in every power to set that store right. I am tired nonetheless to make it work. It is pretty unlucky of me to have fallen on the backseat and then get slammed into a tree, just waking up to reality.
Alright, I admit that I screwed up the whole thing. It was a big, fat mistake to even tackle this store. I had to do what I had to do, had loads of fun achieving what was WORTH achieving but I'm not a Freaking robot, for goodness sake!
Bear in mind, achievements in this company is not recognized and discreetly not approved- it is instead a way of you being TOO EXPOSED until the lime light becomes this hot ass SPOT LIGHT!! Makes you sweat bullets, and ending up being a total eye sore!
Just need to find a bloody explanation as to why the costing has shot up way higher than their freaking nostrils goes. Hence, "deadmeat" for a shout out on FB. Fudges!Fudges! FUDGES!!
This is the whole reason why I wanted to quit in the 1st place! It is all because of all the unnecessary stress laid out on the table!

But then again, Moe....this is also the reason why you're still in the company- to have a trip to Phuket, Thailand next month for 8 freaking days! That was the whole intention!! right??

Yes, for now, yes. For this point of time, yes. If the new store does not fall in nicely, then I will gladly go...as in "ship out". I don't think I can cause another anxiety attack to poor ole` Moe. She's suffered enough. Owh God, gimme me another chance to life...away from this scene...

JA MATA NE!!! Aikhs!!! m(_ _)"m