Sixto Rodriguez ~ I Think Of You

Just a song we shared, I'll hear

Brings memories back when you were here

Of your smiles, your easy laughter

Of your kiss, those moments after

I think of you

And think of you

And think of you

Of the dreams we dreamt together

Of the love we vowed would never

Melt like snowSixto Rodriguez ~ I Think Of You

flakes in the sun

My days now end as they begun:

With thoughts of you

And I think of you

And think of you

Down the streets I walked with you

Seeing others doing things we do

Now these thoughts are haunting me

Of how complete I used to be

And in these times that we're apart

I'll hear this song that breaks my heart

And think of you

And I think of you

And think of you

And think of you

And I do

When I was younger, mum used to pamper us with goodies..and the best ones were on a hot sunny day, my siblings and I would always have creamy Ice Cream in special transparent bowls, just like the ones in this picture. It had musical notes all around the bowl, and we would put about 3 scoops of any flavour and go wild eating it.

Although I wasn't so keen in fruits when I was WAY high, having Bananas with the ice cream means so much to a kid....especially me!

Having a banana split, but mum chopped them to smaller bite size and I'd mixed mine with my desert. It didn't matter if there wasn't any Hershey Chocolate Drizzle or chocolate sweet flakes for the topping...all that mattered was to have ice cream in that Musical Bowl....

My sister would always like hers in the bowl with Purple coloured musical notes and it didn't matter because I had mine in the blue one. We'd all wolf down our ice cream and always begged mum for seconds.

*Sigh* the memories of Sunny Days, Ice Cream and that colourful Musical note Bowls....its like being a kid all over again... NEAT!!

in exactly one month

the moment where every eye would

be in anticipation

to see me fail this

or get through the long

awaited

presentation

*District Coffee Master FY11*

i wouldn't have it

any other way

if there was only the

Coffee Basics ~ Coffee Series

but to have the actual do-your-own

DCM presentation

in front of the panel of judges

which might include L&D department

OM and DM

(not forgetting the coffee ambassador)

will perhaps create the

anxiety attack that

has long suppress somewhere

hidden in this mind & body

in other words..

i can tell you honestly

i am not that ready to pursue this

*whimper* m(_ _)m

the tragedy of also coming up

with the other 2 different

presentations

for my comrades

can actually cause this meltdown

do i really want this?

ARGHHhhhh..........*

...blowing in the breeze

...unaware of the destination

...floating softly

...lightly

...gracefully

...there lies a soul

....wanting more in this life

...someone to receive her

...and welcome her with

...his loving arms

Of all the things I believed in...

I just want to get it over with....

Tears fall behind my eyes...

But I do not cry...

Counting the days to past me by...

It natural that this would go on...

A day or two...

It would stretch on for months...

Until I find you...

In my world...

And that we're on the same page...

To start over...to get over...

This heartfelt feeling....

Torn..

Twisted...

Tales to live by...

Words were so pleasing...

So sweet...

Too inviting...

Mind restless...

Anxiety reacts differently this time...

At loss once more...

Unbearable...

Stinging these eyes...

Swore it would affect so tragically...

And yet...

I lied to this innocent heart...

With such a convincing face...

And its trashed...

Tainted to the core...

Fallen to this foolish games...

Suffering...

Shivering....

Tears running...

Heavy is this bitter heart...

I can't stop but just scream it all out...

This pathetic look is wearing out...

Ashamed to look around...

Sad that it ended in such a way...

Like something stupid...

Happened......

.................................twice...

This winter has been a waste cause she is the one you are the one Each day is always the same I’m wondering why, I keep getting up Another gift from the maker when I love you like that I’m looking away Cause it’s hard not to say I Miss you I’m looking away in an effort to say I Miss you What could I do This friendship is just a fling comfort for cover when I love the most The feeling of you The colour on your face In delicate spring another gift from the maker when I love you like that I’m looking away Cause it’s hard not to say I Miss You I’m looking away in an effort to say I Miss You What Could I do Well you’ve had the chance to save me Well you’ve had the chance to save me over and over again well you’ve had the chance you’ve had the chance over and over again I’m looking away Cause it’s hard not to say I Miss You what could I do I’m looking away Cause It’s hard not to say I Miss You what could I do I’m looking away in an effort to say I Miss you another gift from the maker when I love you like that I Miss You I Miss You

i wish to tell you

what lays deep in this

tragic heart of mine

a longing

of some sort

its difficult to put into words

i can't describe it

very well to you

envious

of others living

a great deal of a life

though may trouble arise

but it is still

the togetherness of love ones

that brings this

weight

to this heavy heart

A kid named Chester: Wonder Boy

There I was minding my own business when the little boy came hand in hand with his 28year old female cousin. He had his yellow hood over his head, quiet as a mouse and only speaking in whispers. Little did I know, he was at the age where he was still learning to talk properly and was a very, very active child. It occurred to me that it has been a long time since made close contact with such a young child, probably in his toddler years of 2 or 3 years. He wasn't the kind that was the extremely cutest boy you've seen, nor did his face showed any prettiness about it. It was more to the part where he was adorable to the point where you just couldn't leave him be and be playing by himself. That was justice at all. Even if part of me did not want to get involved in any of the discussions held that night, as it was my aunt's wedding planning and stuff, I couldn't help but to be drawn to this adorable boy. His laugh was totally cute, husky in a way and he got bored really fast. Hmm... at the same time, if a game we played made him laugh the 1st time, he'd want to do it over and over again. Then it brought me to the conclusion that I do mish my old job back in Brunei, where I could teach and play with the young kids to the extend that I become a kid myself as well. That was FUN!! I did not feel a day old when there were at least 20 kids running around and having fun, even though there were quarrels over whose toys was the best or rather it were blocks or stuffed toys belonged in which box. It was the relationship spent together and that night, I felt it with little Chester. He brought me to think that I was still capable of being myself, even if the world did not care who I was or what the hell I was doing at my aunt's place, or whether the BBQ smelled awfully good. It was that wonder boy that really made my day...and I will cherish that moment.

I mish my childhood days....the same ones that Little Chester is experiencing right now...I mish that *sigh*

you can have it any other way

whether it is to live in a confusing life

to be happy with different people

living comfortably with love ones

or just wishing all the negativity to disappear all together

you can have it any other way

whether to run for the hills

to scream out loud till your lungs burst

living in anxiety and tears

or just wishing all that was in the past to repeat itself

gracefully

you can have it any other way.....*

Anya Marina ~ Satellite Heart

So pretty, so smart

Such a waste of a young heart!

What a pity, what a sham

What's the matter with you, man?

Don't you see it's wrong, can't you get it right?

Out of mind and outta sight

Call on all your girls, don't forget the boys

Put a lid on all that noise!

I'm a satellite heart

Lost in the dark

I'm spun out so far

You stop, I start

But I'll be true to you

I hear you're living out of state, running in a whole new scene

You know I haven't slept in weeks, you're the only thing I see

I'm a satellite heart

Lost in the dark

I'm spun out so far

You stop, I start

But I'll be true to you

I'm a satellite heart

Lost in the dark

I'm spun out so far

You stop I start

But I'll be true to you no matter what you do

Yeah I'll be true to you

Was it the way that the annoying one got to my mind and played countless tricks on me?

Was it that cheeky smile, and have one’s teeth stick out oddly cute?

Was it the small talk that got to the brain and made me think more and more?

Or was it because my heart was so moved that it couldn’t stay away?

Darn it!

I want to stay away but every time it gets more intense

Then I’m helplessly falling

Deeper and deeper, it is hard to climb out

Always I tell myself I will get out of it the next day

But it never comes

As I’m drawn to this younger soul

An attached one for that matter

Then this weight is getting bigger by the minute

It is hard to avoid the fact that I am in love with this being

I can’t tell what’s right and wrong anymore

It is as if I am blinded

Walking aimlessly with a cloud over my head

Then one day as if it was meant to be

Her heart was deceived so badly

For the second time

And this time it was the tears that flowed non-stop

For a friend to be a foe

To watch such a fragile person suffer

This veins pumping blood

As thick as one can get

The soul longer can't contain this pathetic desire

Dressed in rags

What a pity, what a sham

What's the matter with your man?

It will come back to me

This thing called Karma

And I will feel it the most

Whimpering soul is terrified to its wits

I am only human...*

"Secretly" ~ Skunk Anansie

I'VE BEEN BIDING MY TIME,
BEEN SO SUBTLY KIND,
I GOT TO THINK SO SELFISHLY,
'COS YOU'RE THE FACE INSIDE OF ME.

I'VE BEEN BIDING MY DAYS,
U SEE EVIDENTLY IT PAYS,
I'VE BEEN A FRIEND,
WITH UNBIASED VIEWS,
THEN SECRETLY LUST AFTER YOU.

SO NOW HE'S GONE RUSTY
YOU'RE BORED AND BEMUSED.

YOU WANNA DO SOMEONE ELSE,
SO YOU SHOULD BE BY YOURSELF,
INSTEAD OF HERE WITH ME,

SECRETLY.

TRYING HARD TO THINK PURE,
BLOODY HARD WHEN I'M RAW,
YOU TALKING OUT SO SEXUALLY,
'BOUT BOYS 'N GIRLS AND YOUR FRIGGIN' DREAMS

SO NOW YOU FEEL LUSTY,
YOU'RE HOT AND CONFUSED,
SO NOW YOU'VE BEEN BUSTED,
YOU'RE CAUGHT FEELING USED.

YOU HAD TO DO SOMEONE ELSE,
YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN BY YOURSELF,
INSTEAD OF HERE WITH ME,

SECRETLY,

SECRETLY.

Carefree

we use to feel the sense of freedom:

to speak, laugh and live to the fullest

Ending up

lost in confusion, despair and mostly

a little heartache

that fills up the void nowadays

Longing to gain that momentum

to once again

be surrounded by people I love

and care about

Then again...

Its gone, going, gone

I mish you it hurts *sob*

physically drained out from all the bickering
the anguish in people's mind
and most of all,
the consistency of the life
that I'm living in

believe me
when I say that it is
and will forever will be
the people that I've met throughout
these 4 and a half years that has kept me going
with this "almost-perfect-on-the-surface" job
it is just to bad that
I couldn't be their reason to stay
long and perhaps rot with me in this
crazy passion for coffee and its
darn history

of all the things
that I've experienced today
and the past few weeks, months and days
everything has been falling apart

friends come and go
like the breeze that chooses to come
only through it's bidding
mostly friends who are forced
to choose their own destiny
and find themselves some freedom
at last, the lucky buggers

the heartache
to where he must go
and I cannot follow, and sulking
by my own person just to feel sane enough
to live through another day of agony
and more heartache

i want to feel
hopeful and faithful
but yet, i feel more slut-tatious
and end up being a bad person
Go figure!!

Times sure have changed for most people.

The things that were once good and pure in the past,

have turned dull and less exciting than the present.

I've come to realize that coming out

and being honest in a way that it does have its advantages.

The secretive mode has hit one on the head

and you'd wake up to smell the sunshine once again.

It is difficult to look in the eye of the friend who thought it was a good idea to rat out on his peers. At lost of words, sitting there.

Change,

how do we change a leopard's spots? The thing that eats us whole and leaves us boneless to the extent that we do cover up the remnants somewhere, where it is impossible to find. Then again, if just one scientist, A scientist...were to discover that a particular leopard actually changed it's spots the moment it hits 4 years of age and that would be the discovery for mankind. It would even mean the possibility for man to change his ways, to the better. FIN

i dislike this kind of life. its the one particularly the one i'm living in right now. this is the call of the frail & tired heart that has been trying her best to live up to the standards of the store, and yet fails miserably when all things don't go to plan. the most obvious part is that the people once near & far have decided to hit the road to a better future, or part of it is also hidden under a veil. month, after month, AFTER MONTH, the same ole shitty standards to uphold and yet you can still find me there at the store, minding my own business & hoping that i can scrape through this day without any hassle. just yesterday, the news about the only District Coffee Master has decided to tender her resignation, effective 15th April, 2010. i'm pretty much sure that the weight will fall on either of the other long time Store Coffee Masters as there is no other person holding that same title. the tragedy when the pig-headed people way...on the other side of the peninsular is going to be pretty much upset because no one would stand up for the challenge, let alone hold that title. ahh...the negativity that is flooding the very core of my brain and i am slowly draining out from all the extra work here and there. the darkest lies that react in my head and my heart is going to spread to the rest of my organs. then soon, the person you used to know is no longer there.

:: Easter Memoirs ::

\(^v^)/

Easter Egg Hunting

Pin the Rabbit's Bobby Tail

Egg Painting Contest

Chicken Easter Dance

and most of all...

CHRIST HAS RISEN!!

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!

The highlight of my life...soul mate, toy, a visionary tool to the world outside the reality that hovers over us. Yes, this is "my precious" that has been man-handled to perfection...and now has recovered from a ribbon technical problem. *Whew* Thanks to Toots and Kojak for a speedy recovery. You guys RAWK!!! Now, I am no longer insane with all the nonsense of guessing who is text msging me from the ole' Nokia 6600. Hahhaha...the sadness but it did save me for a good two months. This baybee has been taking awesome pictures you just can't imagine:: Check out "Boonchie's Sprinkles" on blogspot.com

Anyhoots, its back with the In...just in time for Luna's birthday...yipee!!!! Upload, upload and UPLOAD SOME MORE PICTURES!!!

JA MATA NE, TOMODACHI NE!!

Finally it rained on the 23rd March 2010, at around 20:00pm.

When it poured down, and the droplets of rain fell on the tin roof..it almost had a tinkling sound of tiny bells.

How great it was, that perhaps God had cried just a little, as it is now Lent, and perhaps people are sinning more than ever during this time of year.

The chance to have a change of heart and perception of people can have some side effects to the membrane.

The fewer steps we take in meeting a friend, is much more fewer with the text messages sent in a minute.

Even to stumble on a person's profile on a well-diverse free community connection online, can make you wake up just to smell the flowers and to tell you that it is okay to dream just a little: to hope for the best in others.

There has been this crummy feeling that

has been hovering on my head for a few days.

Perhaps as the days get shorter

and it is almost time that I have to face him again,

once more and act like that nothing

happened.

Which is hard to contain, even for myself as this

is really over rated where one Seriously

should just get over the fool and move on.

REALLY!!!

Then again, there is that heartache that

one may feel overcoming the mind and soul

all at the same time and

perhaps it is a good time to see

whether one is tough enough to move on with this life.

Whatever the consequences,

I will hold my head up,

just a little higher

so as those crummy feelings

won't get in the way of this

runny tears...

So desu ne...JA MATA NE!!!!!

Didn't quite imagine it that life could leave you breathless and at the same time, wasting your lungs to something sinful. Its been a long ride, a real far off road to a place where I'm still trying to find myself and perhaps, still waiting for the others to be more supportive. There is no returning to the place where you once felt all that fun and cheery moments. It comes visible and until one is able to grasp hold of it and cherish it, then you know it will be somewhere embedded in your mind and soul. Standing on the edge is where you can see the whole scene clearly-- People ready to settle down, or pretty much worried that they "don't" and the clock is ticking quickly. Fear creeps in slowly to weaken the heart and mind. This is when most people would tremble not in the open, but rather in the room where the door is shut, the fan blowing, and the curtains swaying. The things that are planned out, we try and try to push forward the things we have yet to complete. Walking around aimlessly, hitting hard and then, dazzled for a moment just to gain back the strength to realize where the pain really was. Had real good talk with Pops this morning, and just chatting away bout how a job turn out to be a good choice, when others choose to leave. Pops said that each time he went to work back in the old days, it wasn't so much about working, but rather the excitement to look forward to be there and just be involved. Yes, that was and on some days still "is" how I feel towards my job. The good days and the crappy days but all is well when you're involved. *sigh* There is still more to this life that I want to see.... JAPAN 2017.....hahhahahha...Pops said it'll be the end of the world by 2012..hahha, the tragedy!!

I didn't mean to have it this way.

I always thought that it would get better

and perhaps in the long run I would finally be happy.

Somehow, as the days past by so swiftly,

I forget the minor details and

the big picture turns out to look a little dim

and also ugly.

It gets sickening that I am still stuck here

and I know I have ask God countless times

to bless me and yet,

here I am pondering on the things that could have

turned out a little more prettier.

That did not happen I guess.

Am I at fault to say that we get what we deserve?

To say the things such as what you do on to others,

they will do the same to you?

I am exhausted to keep up

and still the end of that crossroads,

I stumble and still pick myself up

though tired and thirsting for knowledge.

Mentally,

this is what it appears in the real world.

Trodden and wasting those breaths

although a little satisfactory

but it seems endless.

The friends that can never be replaced ~ One Borneo Team

(left to right back row: Kip (KKIA), Dotts, Bob, Zanan, Rudy, Kumar, Verna)

left to right front row: William, Idiani, Ahmad, MOI, Amy, Fiza, Yeb)

Ahmad, Alexis, Bob, Dewi, Rudy and Amy (front)

The managers who were pretty much involved in the HOO HAAs of One Borneo

* Amy, Zanan, Fiza, Moi, Verna *

(duration time spent: July 2009 ~ January 2010)

Celebrating our sucess as a team for the achieved ADT in Starbucks Coffee,

a good 400 + 300 bucks to spend and on top of that as well,

celebrating Zanan's *surprise* Bufday

*Sigh* A moment to remember for a long time....I mish you fools...hahahaha :D

So cheers to good friends, for the good and also not so good times.

The blessings and hardship we receive as a team,

As we go on, we'll remember

all the times we had together...

And as our lives change, from whatever

We will still be Friends Forever..

I love you all, my dearest of dearest friends....One Borneo Team *sniffles*

Its the simple words that has the mind
fragments messed up and
perhaps has made one dillusional
on the petty things we want
from each other.
Yes, we tend to say things when
we're waiting
and waiting,
and waiting some more.
Still we get this
dead silence for waiting that long.
*.............................................................................................*
The person at fault never admits
what one has to say,
sadness that I
too am speechless on what
I have to say.
Rather, I let the other
hold on to the hope too long
and one has grown tired
of my foolish antics
and words.
I rather one to move on,
and whatever the feeling of regret
be put aside and
just us to remain as comrades in this lifetime.
After all,
the words not displayed clearly
can lead to further assumptions.
So to not waste anymore
time of men,
let us be off with this
accusations and move on with life.
Even if you're ready
to move on and say your last goodbyes..
I will still be waiting
with open arms,
my deah, deah, friend.


Till next time, Ja mata ne!!

*chargers to whip up a fluffy cream-o. Artist inspired by Yebster, Will-I-am and Boonch (^^,) *

Never Knew I Needed ~ Ne Yo

(Ooh) For the way you changed my plans For being the perfect distraction For the way you took me I knew that I had, everything that I wanted to have You made me see there was something missing (Oh yeah Oh) For the ending of my first begin Oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah oh And, for the rare and unexpected friend Oh yeah yeah oh yeah yeah oh For the way you're something that I would never choose But at the same time something I don't wanna loose I don't ever wanna be without her again Chorus: You're the best thing I never knew I needed So, when you walked in, I had no idea You're the best thing I never knew I needed See now it's so clear I need you here (Oh yeah) My accidental happily ever after (Woah) The way you smile now you've gone for me With your laughter I must admit you weren't a part of "My Book" But, now if you open it up and take a look You're the beginning and the end of every chapter (Ooh) Chorus: You're the best thing I never knew I needed So when you walked in I had no idea You're the best thing I never knew I needed See, now it's so clear (its so clear) I need you here (Ooh) Who knew that I could be? (Who knew that I could be?) So unexpectedly (so unexpectedly) Undesierabley happy. Oh so with you Right here right here next to me! Chorus: You're the best thing I never knew I needed (Woah) So when you walked in, I had no idea You're the best thing I never knew I needed (I needed, woah) See now it's so clear, I need you here always Now it's so clear, I need you here always!