• Sappy songs will make you feel you're somebody..a person (of course) with loads of value then you end up actually wanting to be a singer.. Hysterically funny there as it was that few lines that made you think bout all the nonsense you had put up with for the last 20 years.
• After a while the words sink in..all those lines of script of music, the way that male singer sings bout how he dreams to go to Califonia to catch the girl's eye. And if that fails, he'll just drive to the sunset and catch a wave, singing his heart out as no one knows his name. Did you forget..that perhaps the cute, high key notes of the piano is setting you in the mood to feel this way? A little light headed?
• There she sings of flowers to be brought to her and looks forward to the touch of her love one. Expresses her inner thoughts, she likes how he makes her feel..listening to him talk..on and on. Then she loves to watch him sleep, as she's happy as a child just being captivated from his smile; deeply he sleeps. She closes her eyes just to dream for miles..
  

Walking aimlessly...pondering on how to get by this...forgiveness can be displayed perfectly...and yet here the lurve one goes away...leaving imprints of kisses on this shirt. How smooth and easily fooled can a naive gurl get, even at her age...just like that. The weight is bearable some days...and yet one wants to be in a relationship because fear takes over and the thought of ending up alone, even for a moment in his life...can lead to suicidal. He takes her hand only when it is necessary, as others watched her glow the inner beauty...but behind that smile, she is down right confused, lost of words...wanting to get it over with...to get hitched. He looked for a sign, anything to bring her back. To no avail...they both wanted different things from each other. Just a sense of peace that perhaps brought them together for that pathetic, screwed up yet sweet moment. Then BOOM! Waking up to see that it was a mistake. He loved someone else. The love he gave ended up being the thing she tried to hold on to...something stupid. So falling from grace...she's still moving on.

And he left a long time ahead. Falling deep...slowly *

it was great while it lasted
until he went away
once more
and then it felt empty
all the things that i wanted
to happen
was gone in an instant
so many chances to say
stay awhile
just to listen
to this battered heart
and yet
another soundless word
did not appear
but all the noise that consumed
that moment
replaced what i had to say
to hold the hand of the beholder
was not enough
no whisper to the ear
time had rushed him
to jump on the next plane out
and there again
i went frail
teared up a bit
he did not look back
perhaps glad to
walk further
and it just stops there
the messages were not enough
it did not last long
being missed
did not hit the spot directly
it was just a saying at some point
which i brought it on myself
cause maybe ole school
can get really old
then everything gets colourblind
so to deal with it is just that

secretly
hope was meant to fade
and the memories
were just once upon a story
caught up in two very different worlds
he may turned out to be
a beautiful stranger
someone i once knew
an acquaintance
a friend

Amazingly..during the raya season..I tried my luck in just text msg via phone to greet him and funny how things turned out....he msged me back. After a long while...I wasn't sure to forgive him or just act normal to his msg. *sigh* He seemed so distant...more into going in depth to reach his dream..to reach Japan ASAP. With a next target to jump on a plane next month, he invited me to go...but it seems far fetched. The language is not difficult but he speaks fluent Japanese...where as Im barely in the beginner's class....studying till midnyte's oil run dry. Mine is more of a jump on a speedy boat, go the nearest island and just live there...something like that. Avoiding me, or perhaps too busy with gurls from his hometown...or maybe just busy going round borneo...like a tourist. I have no idea what his next plan is or whether he'll actually make it to Japan....its like a dream...
Mysterious yet determined fellow....deah deah Casa Kun (**,)

Its those moments where you know won't happen for another life time.
As you try so hard to search deeper
and
forcing your mind to remember all the things that occured,
somehow just makes you make up all the things
that are actually not the same to the
original picture.
Makes one frightful,
stupid, loved but then again..
it isn't the truth at all.

If the waves crashing onto those big boulders,
would it be the same to imagine it as if it were somewhat soft..
just like cotton..or a stuffed pillow
with feathers
Then again.....
whoever heard of a fluffy pillow by the side of the beach

*sigh*

The sight of you makes me weak
Fluttery feeling in my stomach
A big gulp down my throat
Hands gone clammy
My cheeks blush with excitement
And yet...
I don't think we can ever have a thing for each other

Just to observe one's grace at work
Can just be enough for one's satisfaction
An unseen harmless giggle
Could almost brighten up your day
Liquor in your system
No it's done only in Tea Tasting rooms

Everything i say
Or do
Can look totally wrong in my peers eyes
So what is right for me?
You?
The question lies uncertain
As it is said that
Cupid comes to town
The day after tomorrow
To have a shoot-and-select
For the soul mates

But not for me
Not this year or this time
Maybe i have to wait a little longer..
Longer than you

*sigh*

Nervousness creeping in mah veins
I don't really let it bother me too much
Aching feet, pins and needles
Looking forward to be growing more intellect
and gain more knowledge, so as not to slack
Having the power is not important
Reliable comrades I need to depend on
A new scene, a new start
Competition is not mah game
Self tee-up is never the way to show you're better
Bragging about the best thing you've done
Leave it to others to praise you
Just be yourself, more humble infact
Trust your instincts
Don't be fooled by false pretense
In other words,
Be aware of your surroundings..
Cause as of right now..
I've got new shoes to fill
and Im on mah way to a HOME RUN..
((excuse mah french..SukeBlooorrr..))

There are times
when I want someone to look at me the way I look at him.
But then again,
who am I kidding...he doesn't even know my name.
As the eyes connect,
just at a glance and we try our hardest
to see who would look away first
But if he can show me
on how serious he is..even about the tiniest little thing
then perhaps, my perspective of him
would change.
After all,
the only barrier that keeps our gazes focused
is the smuged glass
between us both.....just him and me

My anime boy...

give and take
isn't that what we call friendship
whether it's with your parents,
siblings or friends
isn't there a thing where
both can be right at the same time
yet afraid to admit they did wrong
in the end

so when one moves on
and tries not to look back
maybe on her off days
she'll go back home
but to be a burden to others
is all that she can take
and feels that a time to get out
is now or never

probably she'll regret it
but for now
she has to breathe
suffocation and anxieties
all coming back
to build up
where it hurts the most

im gone

and going.....

News travels fast.

Sometimes it comes in a nice package;

Others just comes as a bad smell.

Whether we like it or not..

We cannot avoid it

As it boils down to whether we can

Take it and swallow it whole.

Seen a thousand faces,

And to know that you can still

Mish them and smile to know

They're your friends;

thru thick or thin.

Then comes the tough part.

It is to test whether you can

Accept them for leaving you

for their own reasons.

Whether it is falling out on a bad relationship,

Transfering to another work environment,

Or just getting out of the job

To run from their problems.

And if you know it'll be ages till you see them again,

You're wondering if you can ever part from them

Or whether you can forgive them for leaving.

So all I'm saying is...

I'm losing my dear friends,

Although I've only met them less than a year,

And also those I've known for eons.

But all I can do is hope and pray..

That we're not forgotten

No matter the distance,

Or the unseen circumstances..

That keeps us apart.

I will mish you all...

Hurt just a little
Left stranded in the rain
Once again
I know how she felt
During those teenage years
And i guess it felt like shit

It was cruel of me
To laugh inside
To feel a little evil
Can sometimes get in your skin
And only today
I feel sorry for her
As i feel sorry for myself

So i cried just a little
and the tears would not stop
Why did it hurt so much
As if a pin was poking so hard
at my already wounded heart

Is it karma that got back at me?
Or is just a way for me
To realise
That i am not the fool
Nor was she at her time in school

But the person involved
Who left 'us' girls stranded
In the icy cold
wet rain...

Im teary eyed
As i now realise
I can never face him
Nor can i ever bring myself
To speak to him
Ever..
Again...

*Sigh*
Here we are, going about our daily lives...and to what extend?
Holding on to the memory we thought was lost?
Though so close, yet we're drifting apart...even more.
So I think to myself, "How long must I be put on hold?"
I can't stand it that when I'm out of sight, out of mind,
You'd rather have me hang around and not give me hope.
So I really must move on because
I'm tired of waiting in vain.
It's as if my heart will not rest unless
I'm given a valid answer of what I am to you.
We're grown up and we have to start to think less like a child,
and have a glimpse of the reality before us.
Cause if the pieces don't fit anymore, then
what we are to do but just remain....
as friends.

Enough said...

The most sweetest and generous person I've come across
this time around..is so far away from me.
Its his smile that makes me feel at ease...the way his
dimples just appear, especially when he laughs
from the heart.
Though blistered and in pain...I find comfort in him.
He offers protection, and lets me hold on for
support if I'm frail.
He's charming to me...even in other people's eyes,
I know he cares for others.
Kind hearted soul...Shakes his head when he talks.
Grins at something like those "transformers"
we saw at the side of the road.
Widens his eyes when he sees something exciting..
yet he doesn't want to close his eyes
when I'm there.
Smoothest dancer I've ever seen...it kills me that
he's soOo sizzling hot on the dance floor.
One last night to take a breather...
looking at the place below us..
we had to depart to go back to reality.
He gave me the pin he won...
and I will mish everything we've gone thru..
Round the town, in my new white heels..
I will never forget..
For we were strangers....
and are now are in question.....


we are one....just one for that sweet memory.

I mish you...

Its in the air, definitely...whether we can embrace it or just can't live without it..surely we would want it badly one day. Its the universal need that everyone is searching for. Even if you're still a toddler wanting to be cuddled, a teen just having infatuations, an adult who is searching for the right one to be with...it comes in all forms.

Perhaps one would regard it to having the wildest night of your life, while others look at it as satisfaction. Some lonely heart would see it as the only way out and become desperate for its touch..the feeling of it to be inside them. They are not to be mocked at because it's a free world...you're entitled to live the life as you see fit, no questions about that.

Whether we end up being who we are and have the things we want...I am certain it will go well as according to plan. There's no need to complicate things...this is our time, so don't fret where we might end up. Its true I can't see myself not being your friend even if we're not together. How you want it, is your decision...its your free will.

And I can finally say...I'm not searching anymore...I found him...

So.....we get scared once in a while; whether its about getting you're 1st milk tooth out or praying you won't be caught sneaking out of the house. Im scared perhaps that the fact that he may love me because he has a deep long lost feeling for me over the years...and to think Im feeling the same way too. So are we scared that it will not work out or is it a rebound because we're lonely? I need assistance on this....maybe...we were just afraid to admit that we 'do' have the chemistry and we just let it hang in mid air to see whether it'll hit us squarely on the head *sigh*

Growing up and growing out of those teen years can sometyms wear you down...cause you tend to get confused on whether you should be a kid again or grown up. Being back here in Kk, has made me mature and the lyfe style can sometyms tire you out. Tho, its Great to experience different things and meet loads of different people...i guess i tend to lean back to the memories when i was way high..as in CareFree...hehe...not the suicidal bit ;p

What im trying to say is...if we're meant to be; then....go with flow...like you said...there's nuthin to lose...and i believe that's true! *hugs*

A Lyfe at a New place~ New post~Hell Lot of Catching up to do...im nearly calling it QUITS!

I really can't describe how pissed off i am bout the whole ordeal of my work lyfe.
It's like i try and try my best to show that im finally capable of goin thru the day without any trouble and i got and earful from the management because i didn't do something today. I have to find out on my own that i had to go to bank but i had no hints or guidance that i had to go...sheeshkebab!! Its lyke...F***....im trying to do my best....come on! Give me a break!!

I really wanted this post as a shift supervisor so badly that even GOD knows how i feel but the thing is....but whether i can handle it for the rest of my lyfe? ..im gona go insane :'( It's so tough..trying to please everybody...and also perhaps saving their butt...in other words..im almost to the point of depression. I havent had a decent meal in 3 days and i know i wont for the whole month :'(

I don't want to question God bout this cause i asked for this post but the maze that i have to get out on my own is driving me in circles..its lyk im losing hope of ever getting out of this depression thing...small matter you say? Its not at all small...im just wondering whether i can get thru this....or end up calling it quits before i even reach my goal...

Im so tired....falling into the job...find it easier to fall out...insane idea,huh?
Tell me about it (-.-) zZzZz...

Hey everyone...i know i haven't jotted anything down here in the last few months but i have been awfully busy with the Lyfe here back in my home town,sabah. Luf lyfe has come and gone in a snap and thank goodness i got over it quite fast (erm...is 3 mths gud enuf? hehe)

Currently in StarBucks, workin as a barista..jz a few dys ago i went fer my shift supervisor intervw with my DM..and seriously peeps...it didnt even feel lyk it was an intervw...it was more of chitta-chatter...so it was smooth sailing...if u wana call it lah :)

Gosh! im exhausted as of now coz i just got back from work and i need da' rest fer 2mro...new promotions goin on 2mro, so yah...u'll understand, ryte? hehe

*hugs* BoOoYaAaaa................. (-o-) zZzZz

Gosh! Its almost christmas and im dead broke..haha. *SIGH* Somehow i always end up being extra tired after a day's work. But then again im the krazi cat...still goin to the my store (as in..my workplace) even on my off day..jz to chill and relax. Back in the days and memories where i could wake up jz a lil' late and still be in time for work...MAN! Those were the good ole' times *SIGH*

Nehoots...i kinda left the 'so-called' bf hanging because i don't know how to tell him that my feelings have been totally wiped out of my heart and brain. I don't even think bout him AT ALL!! How naive can one get? GOSH! Malas i nak layan dah...i guess i wasted those 3 damn years liking him and end up..only NOW he feels me...Sheessh! I don't get guys sometimes...they drive me nuts!! hehe...im just speakin in general.. ;p BLEH!

Speaking of 'some guys'...i think im losing it...as in..my heart to someone else.. BUT (pls note the big BUT) He's gonna be bonded w/ his long time gf...and it will very much hurt me so badly that im not sure i am allowed to look at him the same way. Hurting so much inside..im sure my heart will break :'( Help me God...im really into him...but i know i cannot intefere and try to break up the pair...it wouldn't be fair.

It sure ISN'T FAIR on my part...because when im with him...it becomes pretty weird just bringing up the subject bout him getting engaged! i try to joke about it when we're together but as the days go by each time...my heart gets heavier and i know one of these days i will soon break down and cry. Maybe this heart has so much feelings for him...im going insane...God hear me....i don't want him to go....Boohoohoo...sob...sob...sob.

To be continued..... :'(

By George....its been 2 months plus since ive

let all my luv ones knw how i am..

Guys...im doin oryt...so far (^_^)

As of now...im wrking in StarBux,Kk..

and..

it has been FUN and stressfull ever since.

Loving every minute whn wrkin here..

and gues wat?

i hve a coffee PASSPORT..

how KooL and Weird is dat at de same tym..

hehehe..

Anyhoots..i onli hve less than 10mins

to tell u ALL bout me lyfe here..

But most importantly....

i mish all of u soOoOo much..

*Hugs and kisses*

*sniffles,sniffles*

hehehe....

k then...got 2 go...

wif much luv...Bunzeraly (^_^)

You must be wondering on
"WHAT DE HELL IS YEN STILL DOIN HERE",huh?

Hehe...Vell...i had 2 wait till i got my salary and me testimonial letter
from me ex-boss but dat took a reli long tym.
its lyk i had 2 "ASK" 4 it instead of me bein "INFORMED" 2 get it frm de ofis..oh well..
To think u'd know sum ppl very well...just expect fer de worst..i was thinkin.

I thought i cud at least see her 4 de last tym
but it looks lyk she doesnt wan 2 hve 2 do anythin wif me...
wat can i say bout it?
Its just sad dat she cant face me lyk a REAL friend..
and tell me..."All de Best in evrythin u do!"

Then again,most ppl will not NORMALLY do dat..
Ur wrk will nver be appreciated...no matter whr u are
...as long as they see de BAD points in yer life.

Anyhoots....
Thks 2 all mah LURVE ones who hve been
soOo supportive of my well-being..
Cudn't hve gone thru de depression and pain
wifout u guys.
Thks so much fer cheering me up and
letting me swear so much..
dat ive 4gotten de meaning of a
BADass word...haha!

Just 2 let u knw...
im leaving fer Labuan 2mro
and hopefully arriving in K.K by Sunday..
Dats fer now....ill keep u peeps posted...
*BiG Hugs*