How do I get there?? To the place where everyone can see that I am trying to be a new leaf, trying to have a change of heart *Sigh* Yes the suffering will come beckoning on my door and it will never stop hammering till I open that door just to get a slap on the face to WAKE UP YEN!! I don't want to fight anymore, and I don't want this post anymore. It is selfish of me as I pray for this from God and this is what he gets in return from me, a selfish fool. A deceiving mind and perhaps a heartless foe. How did I evolve to this kind of person? How did I fall so far back and still stumble further in this big black hole that I forever fear that I will not be able to climb out...just waiting for the rain to pour down to drown me in my depression of unsatisfation with myself...the whole of me, whether spiritually, physically, mentally. Ahh...this what you call the ramblings of an insane person, just typing the lameness in her life.