Either its my brain or my heart, but I am definitely going mad all over the place. This is the response that will take me months to ignore and also many phrases to get over this stupid feeling of wanting to be wanted....again. 

Why does this face show such ignorance and controlled anxiety on one's face? Why can't I just get over the idea that it was just mere words that had me going for a while? Why can't I shake of this feeling of uncertainty? 

Annoyance feels this head and I'd shiver to the fact that I could be this foolish to fall for a person who thinks the world revolves around him. 

The sight of this child makes me weak but mostly the need to feel wanted and to feel the sense of touch for this one time. Then yet it should not even come to this. The nasty thoughts as to what is in the mind, should never be released at all. 

It is as close as to feeling pathetic about being infatuated with this bizarre love triangle, makes me sick to my stomach. Surprised that I could sink down to their level and have this tainted ideas that I could end up a cradle snatcher. How awful those words sound, even by typing it out.  

Here I am shivering like a wet dog, just not wanting to be near to something that is just within my reach. Oh God, remove this anxiety that hovers in my heart! Remove the weariness and disfigured thoughts that lingers in my blood! Oh, make me sane again, and just to appear normal to this unsettling air around me. I want to be myself once more and not to pretend it doesn't hurt. I want to shout at the top of lungs just to feel wanted again and not show any emotion to mere words of a child. Keep me grounded, keep me safe.

 

Floating away from this is the best remedy and yet, I'm still pretending not to care. 

During this time, thinking about the song that really says what's in my head, from the movie "Grease Lighting 2":

I'm all dressed up, in my finest attitude

Pretending I don't care

Guess I'm really messed up by trying to be two

When only one heart can be there.

Why can't I be just what I am?

And speak my love, without any shame?

Why can't she see, what I am,

Is a costumed fool, trapped in a tragic game?

Charades and pretty lies,

They hide what's deep inside me

Charades do disguise

All the love I keep inside me

Charades! Can't see me,

But can you feel the real me?

The real me behind my charades?

Oh, please don't mind me,

Performing at my hardest

As I paint upon the air.

You won't find me,

Cause it's the portrait of an artist

As a man who isn't there.

Charades and pretty lies,

They hide what's deep inside me

Charades do disguise

All the love I keep inside me

Charades! Can't see me,

But can you feel the real me?

Can't you feel the real me?

Behind my charades

Have I lost the real me,

Behind my charades.

.............................................................................................................have I lost the real me?