Its amazing how a lil prayer that you said a few months back is soon appeared when you're not at all aware it would pounce on so heavily. Once it hits you and you have the anxiety attack recollecting somewhere in your body (next to my heart or was it my stomach) and you find yourself takin' in all that non-existant air in...hoping it would let you breathe normally for once.

I got my prayer answered today...something along the lines of "motto" money and better job, and I did not once, perhaps selfishly did not immediately thank God for this blessing...what a fool i must have been at that moment. Being all conceited at one point and then foolish enough to step on my own shoe laces. BAKA!! *Sigh*

I don't know how I am supposed to react. Maybe some are happy that I'm finally leaving the place I've always dreaded to be at (except for when I see those happy faces of those who value my presence) and I am honestly happy, yet nervy at the knees. How do I turn to someone when I am in need in the future? How can I resolve all those petty problems in this very huge place that I'm gonna take over soon...very soon? I have no words to describe that I am feeling as if I can hurl any moment now! Oh I do dislike this uneasy feeling.

I have been getting handshakes of congratulations on my promotion the whole day and yet I do feel as I haven't done enough for my partners..I feel empty?? Is that the word that fills this anxiety in me? Oh help me...someone, anyone. I really do not like to feel this way, like a sick puppy having all the comforts of home, yet not enough hands to pet it on the head for bringing in the newspaper in from the rain outside.

I took a picture of the sunset by the WaterFront deck today, and it filled this hole in my heart. I wanted to give him a text message for this great news that I received today, and it seemed that he may not care in the end. So I forced myself to even stop trying to pair up the damage...less i wanted my heart to be torn again. My hands itch to tell him via text msg...but I believe he'll know sooner or later, perhaps chucking to himself on a "job well done". Gambatte ne Benny Kun!!

I'm worn out from today's news, and later I believe I would be covered in whipped cream and I hope none of those rotten eggs for my promotion. Hai...so des' ne.. Ja Ne!!

Oyasumi nasai, tomodachi!! (-o-) zZzZzZz....