There are some things that I will never forget...the last 11 months has been a blessing with you all. Even though there were hardships along the way, and then others have found their way out, it will always end up in tears of sadness, yet a relief in all hearts. So to you, I say "Celebrate Life as though it was your last. Never give up on the things that were meant to look onward. Find peace in your hearts and speak more of kind words to each other"
The time when you want others to stay on, it may not be possible. Friends move along to find greener pastures and others are left behind. Some may sought in weariness and end up counting on the others that have no heart to stay on. It is difficult to keep a child at its normal height and weight, and yet each day, the child grows. Bursting with energy, as we have lived before...roaming in new open spaces. Oh how we would love to venture out and try to find our comfort zone...until then, let us take a trip to the foot of the mountain, to enjoy each others' warmth for the very last moment...I will mish you all dear friends that I've known since 2006, right here in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah. May the Good Lord bless you all and keep you safe.

...blowing in the breeze

...unaware of the destination

...floating softly

...lightly

...gracefully

...there lies a soul

....wanting more in this life

...someone to receive her

...and welcome her with

...his loving arms

This winter has been a waste cause she is the one you are the one Each day is always the same I’m wondering why, I keep getting up Another gift from the maker when I love you like that I’m looking away Cause it’s hard not to say I Miss you I’m looking away in an effort to say I Miss you What could I do This friendship is just a fling comfort for cover when I love the most The feeling of you The colour on your face In delicate spring another gift from the maker when I love you like that I’m looking away Cause it’s hard not to say I Miss You I’m looking away in an effort to say I Miss You What Could I do Well you’ve had the chance to save me Well you’ve had the chance to save me over and over again well you’ve had the chance you’ve had the chance over and over again I’m looking away Cause it’s hard not to say I Miss You what could I do I’m looking away Cause It’s hard not to say I Miss You what could I do I’m looking away in an effort to say I Miss you another gift from the maker when I love you like that I Miss You I Miss You

you can have it any other way

whether it is to live in a confusing life

to be happy with different people

living comfortably with love ones

or just wishing all the negativity to disappear all together

you can have it any other way

whether to run for the hills

to scream out loud till your lungs burst

living in anxiety and tears

or just wishing all that was in the past to repeat itself

gracefully

you can have it any other way.....*

Carefree

we use to feel the sense of freedom:

to speak, laugh and live to the fullest

Ending up

lost in confusion, despair and mostly

a little heartache

that fills up the void nowadays

Longing to gain that momentum

to once again

be surrounded by people I love

and care about

Then again...

Its gone, going, gone

I mish you it hurts *sob*

Here in Penang (Pulau Pinang) for the first time in mah life. Away from home from the 12-16th October 2009, with so much expectations, tensions, laughter, planting, kick in the mud, rained on, anxieties, scenery, heritage sighting, anticipation, christmas tree making, buffet with lots of cornflakes, scramble eggs, GOoOooOOod coffee, decorating of the lungs, initiating conversations with people (tried with snotty ones: challenging), surfing the net, visitation of stores at Gurney tower, Juro Auto city and hopefully some stores today. The insert on the right is the view from where I stayed with my Starbucks Coffee partners, at Sri Sayang Apartments, Batu Fringgi. This view was taken from the 24th floor, and it is absolutely breath-taking. Right now, everyone's online surfing, everyone as in Kay, Mel, Moy, Gurie, Dee (perviously from KK district), and myself. The only one missing is Ron who had to rush down to Kuala Lumpur to be with his wife and only daughter. His daughter just recovered from an operation, something to do with their little girl's lung/ heart. Pity the sweetheart, as she is only 8 months this October, but a REAL fighter.
I went Penang sighting for old buildings that were done in the 1920s, creepy old house that used to be a maternity house and the rest of that story goes on (still gives me the shivers). Also got to see the "Leaning Clock Tower" situated in the old town area. My good friend, Rudy showed me around Penang Island, and told me that the 5 years he's been staying here, he has seen alot of changes that even the locals don't realise. Expats (although I have nothing against them staying in Malaysia) have been buying up the old buildings and have moved in. However, the way they have furnished the place has not lived up to the heritage, and has more of a modern look. Now, how would I know all these if it weren't for him. He has created more insight that it was too bad that I had woken up way too early that day, and was soon biting my lip to stay awake. Sorry dude! Mean of me...hehe. But we managed to cover most of the great look-out spots, that even your tour guide wouldn't bring ya to. From the low land to top of the hill we went. Sceptical about hawker stalls?? Well, to be honest those stalls are the best tasting dishes that you can try from Penang..the real taste of Hokkien Mee, Penang Laksa and others (me stomach's growling at the thought of those dishes I tried...huhuhu), blended Grape drinks (weird huh?)..all these apart from the daily Nasi Kandar, the dishes that is with all mixed food, veges, and everything; these you can get at the Mamak stalls in Penang.
Also visited the Kuan Yin Temple and Pagoda Temple...LONG CLIMB...Giler! Went to the Penang Hilltop, at Bukit Bendera...famous for the many weddings held there (thru reliable source), and you got to take a slow train/ cable car up to about 700++ meters high. Nice view, seems like as how Eric mentioned it like "Cameron Highlands". To me, it was just like on a hill...SUGOI!! After all that hiking and sitting, plus more time for oxygen breaks, we headed to Gurney Plaza to grab some food to bite at PizzaMania. Seems too good to be true, as there are still some sane gentlemen just like Eric himself, and it was sweet like chocolate..haha. Then up till the late evening, he sent me back to Sri Sayang Apartments, at Batu Fringgi. Nope, not what you thought "would" happen, sadly did not happen. So enough said. I guess, he had grown out of it and has moved on, but I couldn't bear to think that it "was" the end, and yes, I gave him a hug and that was it. All that was running through my head was Damien Rice's Song ~ The Blower's Daughter.So after that, the KK team went to a nearby restaurant (Geee...I forgot the name..haha) and handed out 5B's & MUG Awards recognition by Boss there. We did a little shopping at the bargain shops near the roadside, and headed back to the Wooden Pub, next to the restaurant, to have our beer. Moy and myself were utterly bored that we wrote down our initials with marker pens at the toilet area, and went to have a look at the different money currency posted on the wall, with different writings from people who visited that pub. The pub is situated very near to the road, actually by the roadside, and not that near to the ocean...only by view rather.

Hmmm...will definately come to Penang for a REAL holiday, and also visit Langkawi...woOoOooHooOoooo....save and travel...can't wait!!

The image appears continously in my mind.

The lines that come across once face, sullen, tight-lipped, notable sadness.

Traces of anger can be felt even behind the smudgy glass panes.

Weak in the mind to even face such an image.

To think that the amount of trust that one has place in another,

Can be mistaken for a betrayal.

That was not intended at all.

A different approach did not work.

Either the good nor negative way.

Lost in confusion with the amount of frustration that builds up by the minute.

The loneliness one has to endure.

Pressure fills the soul.

Heavy is the heart to the know that the other is..

Very bitter.

Could it be the recent incidents that took place?

Or that one was simply hearing out another friend in distress?

It would be sweet pleasure to see him smile again.

Even if it were for a second.

To be lucky if it were the whole day.

Sighing on the things that should have been done.

But unfortunately was not given a chance.

Leaving in silence.

Walking away to a better view.

Slipping away,

Just to stay out of trouble.

Lost in the end.

From a silly disagreement.

The colours of belief.

Drained out to nothingness.

Tough on the outside.

Frail to own up.

Mixed up with what cannot be fixed.

A note for forgiveness.

Thrown out like a paper plane,

gliding out the window.

Without a care in the world.

Percious time is gone.

Gone,

Going...

Gone.............*

Gomene tomodachi...so desu ne.

If everything was simple enough to follow, if everyone had the most similiar thoughts running through their heads, and if everyone could look at each other the same way...wouldn't it be the sweetest thing ever...the smell of precious victory. If everything wasn't about the money, if everyone had the same kind of thinking that perhaps the good things that you did was the most achievable thing you ever did....wouldn't it be the most couragest thing anyone has ever done. I can't seem to understand half of what the people have to say...its like they talking in tongues...or perhaps mumbling to oneself about their lives...sadly speaking in codes that maybe only their soul mates can understand them. I can't help them as I myself am helpless in times of doubt.
Marshmellow noticed that the inner child in me is almost gone. That was perhaps the one thing I fail to realise... and in that moment I end up lost of words. Because I am evolving into a person I hardly even know and it hits me hard when she mentioned that to me. I just felt like I wanted to cry and perhaps I would feel awfully better. The strides taken to walk a little more further than a person usually does, becomes so far that I couldn't catch up...I was falling behind. I had lost sight of my friend who needed me the most, and I failed to catch up. Too caught up in my own dreary life, I fail to respond to the needs of others. Then again, life is complicated...yours and mine. We're in this big ferris wheel that keeps going round and round, only stopping for someone who wants to get on, or perhaps tired of life, jumping out, without any fear where he/she would land. But you and I, we decide to stay even if the ride becomes slow and we see the same scenery everyday. It becomes us, the ride becomes us...and we in turn; become vunerable. Looking at the ride as a waste of time, but yet it pays the bills. Not a mind reader, I can only take in little by little of what you feel. So please don't mention that there is something you'd like to talk about and just leave me stranded in the rain, I am only person, a friend you can try to count on...not a toy descarded on the shelf, with a torn shirt and cotton sticking out from places. I am frail to the point that there wasn't anyone to talk to, not a person who I could release my own ideas or dreams to. Those people have gone further than I've been. I can see them like a small image in a clear distance. Do I approach them at this point of time? No, instead I run the other direction, uncertain what I want to say...then, end up in a fallen pit, unable to get out. I so stranded at where I am, I believe to be waiting for time to pass by ever so quickly...nobody to count on, nobody to believe in, to hold my hand. They have gone their separate ways...It saddens me.

News travels fast.

Sometimes it comes in a nice package;

Others just comes as a bad smell.

Whether we like it or not..

We cannot avoid it

As it boils down to whether we can

Take it and swallow it whole.

Seen a thousand faces,

And to know that you can still

Mish them and smile to know

They're your friends;

thru thick or thin.

Then comes the tough part.

It is to test whether you can

Accept them for leaving you

for their own reasons.

Whether it is falling out on a bad relationship,

Transfering to another work environment,

Or just getting out of the job

To run from their problems.

And if you know it'll be ages till you see them again,

You're wondering if you can ever part from them

Or whether you can forgive them for leaving.

So all I'm saying is...

I'm losing my dear friends,

Although I've only met them less than a year,

And also those I've known for eons.

But all I can do is hope and pray..

That we're not forgotten

No matter the distance,

Or the unseen circumstances..

That keeps us apart.

I will mish you all...