Torn..

Twisted...

Tales to live by...

Words were so pleasing...

So sweet...

Too inviting...

Mind restless...

Anxiety reacts differently this time...

At loss once more...

Unbearable...

Stinging these eyes...

Swore it would affect so tragically...

And yet...

I lied to this innocent heart...

With such a convincing face...

And its trashed...

Tainted to the core...

Fallen to this foolish games...

Suffering...

Shivering....

Tears running...

Heavy is this bitter heart...

I can't stop but just scream it all out...

This pathetic look is wearing out...

Ashamed to look around...

Sad that it ended in such a way...

Like something stupid...

Happened......

.................................twice...

This winter has been a waste cause she is the one you are the one Each day is always the same I’m wondering why, I keep getting up Another gift from the maker when I love you like that I’m looking away Cause it’s hard not to say I Miss you I’m looking away in an effort to say I Miss you What could I do This friendship is just a fling comfort for cover when I love the most The feeling of you The colour on your face In delicate spring another gift from the maker when I love you like that I’m looking away Cause it’s hard not to say I Miss You I’m looking away in an effort to say I Miss You What Could I do Well you’ve had the chance to save me Well you’ve had the chance to save me over and over again well you’ve had the chance you’ve had the chance over and over again I’m looking away Cause it’s hard not to say I Miss You what could I do I’m looking away Cause It’s hard not to say I Miss You what could I do I’m looking away in an effort to say I Miss you another gift from the maker when I love you like that I Miss You I Miss You

i wish to tell you

what lays deep in this

tragic heart of mine

a longing

of some sort

its difficult to put into words

i can't describe it

very well to you

envious

of others living

a great deal of a life

though may trouble arise

but it is still

the togetherness of love ones

that brings this

weight

to this heavy heart

A kid named Chester: Wonder Boy

There I was minding my own business when the little boy came hand in hand with his 28year old female cousin. He had his yellow hood over his head, quiet as a mouse and only speaking in whispers. Little did I know, he was at the age where he was still learning to talk properly and was a very, very active child. It occurred to me that it has been a long time since made close contact with such a young child, probably in his toddler years of 2 or 3 years. He wasn't the kind that was the extremely cutest boy you've seen, nor did his face showed any prettiness about it. It was more to the part where he was adorable to the point where you just couldn't leave him be and be playing by himself. That was justice at all. Even if part of me did not want to get involved in any of the discussions held that night, as it was my aunt's wedding planning and stuff, I couldn't help but to be drawn to this adorable boy. His laugh was totally cute, husky in a way and he got bored really fast. Hmm... at the same time, if a game we played made him laugh the 1st time, he'd want to do it over and over again. Then it brought me to the conclusion that I do mish my old job back in Brunei, where I could teach and play with the young kids to the extend that I become a kid myself as well. That was FUN!! I did not feel a day old when there were at least 20 kids running around and having fun, even though there were quarrels over whose toys was the best or rather it were blocks or stuffed toys belonged in which box. It was the relationship spent together and that night, I felt it with little Chester. He brought me to think that I was still capable of being myself, even if the world did not care who I was or what the hell I was doing at my aunt's place, or whether the BBQ smelled awfully good. It was that wonder boy that really made my day...and I will cherish that moment.

I mish my childhood days....the same ones that Little Chester is experiencing right now...I mish that *sigh*

Anya Marina ~ Satellite Heart

So pretty, so smart

Such a waste of a young heart!

What a pity, what a sham

What's the matter with you, man?

Don't you see it's wrong, can't you get it right?

Out of mind and outta sight

Call on all your girls, don't forget the boys

Put a lid on all that noise!

I'm a satellite heart

Lost in the dark

I'm spun out so far

You stop, I start

But I'll be true to you

I hear you're living out of state, running in a whole new scene

You know I haven't slept in weeks, you're the only thing I see

I'm a satellite heart

Lost in the dark

I'm spun out so far

You stop, I start

But I'll be true to you

I'm a satellite heart

Lost in the dark

I'm spun out so far

You stop I start

But I'll be true to you no matter what you do

Yeah I'll be true to you

"Secretly" ~ Skunk Anansie

I'VE BEEN BIDING MY TIME,
BEEN SO SUBTLY KIND,
I GOT TO THINK SO SELFISHLY,
'COS YOU'RE THE FACE INSIDE OF ME.

I'VE BEEN BIDING MY DAYS,
U SEE EVIDENTLY IT PAYS,
I'VE BEEN A FRIEND,
WITH UNBIASED VIEWS,
THEN SECRETLY LUST AFTER YOU.

SO NOW HE'S GONE RUSTY
YOU'RE BORED AND BEMUSED.

YOU WANNA DO SOMEONE ELSE,
SO YOU SHOULD BE BY YOURSELF,
INSTEAD OF HERE WITH ME,

SECRETLY.

TRYING HARD TO THINK PURE,
BLOODY HARD WHEN I'M RAW,
YOU TALKING OUT SO SEXUALLY,
'BOUT BOYS 'N GIRLS AND YOUR FRIGGIN' DREAMS

SO NOW YOU FEEL LUSTY,
YOU'RE HOT AND CONFUSED,
SO NOW YOU'VE BEEN BUSTED,
YOU'RE CAUGHT FEELING USED.

YOU HAD TO DO SOMEONE ELSE,
YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN BY YOURSELF,
INSTEAD OF HERE WITH ME,

SECRETLY,

SECRETLY.